This walkthrough provides a narrative description of the things you need to do in each section, then provides a sequential list of exact commands for completing that section. The idea is that the narrative tells you what to do, and if you still have trouble, the commands will tell you how to do it. The commands have been padded out in places to reveal particularly amusing jokes in the game.
Note: In the game, items which are no longer useful are conveniently removed from your inventory after each section.
Be sure to collect and read the newspaper after each part.
You need the rope from the barn to descend into the pit. For a laugh, EAT SHIT. Also get everything from the medicine chest beforehand. You'll need to use one of these items on the pig.
Wait until your squire gets you out of your armour. Attend the meeting at the Union Hall. Go to the armoury and answer the copy protection questions to get the cloak. Look in its pocket. Go back to your barracks and get the helmet.
At the pond, fill the helmet with water. Go to the palace and talk to the guard. Get the kindling from the fireplace. Go outside and plant the bean in the garden. Water it. Climb the beanstalk. After the briefing by Bud the Wizard, take the magic coin and go to the torch vendor's. Then enter the ice cream parlour and talk to the boy. Make a fire, accept his earmuffs and wear them. Buy the float.
Pay the bard to recite the epic and wait. Take him to the palace. Wait, then go upstairs and eavesdrop. Downstairs, wait until the fight breaks out. Outside, pull the banana from the stone. After another briefing from Bud (make a note of the five items of your quest, and WHERE you need to use them), go to the pond and follow his instructions regarding the banana.
Gorget - 16 Cuirass - 1 Vambrace - 6 Tasset - 99B Poleyn - 25 Sabaton - 6E Helmet - 14 Pauldron - 5 Cuisse - Brown Greave - 22 Gautlet - Gothic
Check out the graveyard, then get past the tree to the west by giving it some refreshment. Move branches to reveal the trapdoor. Descend, open the mailbox (memories of Zork I!) and get the prize offer.
Go to the rock shop and get your free gift. Use it to break into the house. Pull the rug and open the trap door. Get the beard from the trophy case. Go upstairs, and search the bones to get the ID. Go to the publishing house and give the prize offer to the dwarf. Go outside, wear the beard, kneel, and go in and try again.
Go to the rock shop and get the starter rock. Wander around until someone gives you a coin. Win the memory game to get the catapult. (You'll probably need to take screenshots, or notes on paper.) Load it with the starter rock.
Get on the ferris wheel, pull the lever and push the green button. At the top, shoot the red button with the catapult. Stand and get the pitchfork. Tie the cord to the roots and jump. Now go back to the house and go to the top. Drop the rock, stand on it and go through the hole.
Enter the inn and talk to the keymaker. Talk to Bruce. Read the book the bard gave you and give Bruce the coupon. Listen to the conversation and order what they keep arguing about. At the castle, go north. Get the berries. Go northwest. Use your last medication on the attack turtles.
Go to the stables and give the drink to the two-headed oaf. Take the root. Go to the top and light the root. Go down and use the torch to melt the wax. Press the blob on the key to make an impression. Take the impression to the keymaker. Go back with the key, unlock the door and play Jeopardy. You may need to play it twice to win.
Listen carefully to the offensive acts that the herald recites. Go in. Attend the reciting of the legend and Lily's show at the auditorium. Go to the shooting gallery and shoot until you win a few prizes. Note what distracts the guy in charge. Visit the elf and talk to the musician who comes along eventually.
Go to the Pavilion of Tomorrow. Take the rubber band and leech. Take the marble. Pull the shade. Take the marble. Put the rubber band on the snake. Take the marble. Put the cord on the aardvark. Take the marble. Stand on the floorboard. Take the marble. Visit the jugglers at the auditorium and give them the leech. Wear the gloves and climb the maypole.
Visit Lily. Take the weed and give it to the musician. Wear the shades and play the elf's game. Go to the Fool's Guild and play with the whoopee cushion or something so that they give you a fool's cap to wear. Perform an offensive act. Annoy the boy until he gives you an apple. Give the apple to the chef and take his apron
Give the guy in charge of the shooting gallery the woodcuts to distract him while you make off with a crossbow. Leave the fair and attack the dragon. You have to predict where the target will move to next before you fire. Take everything.
Read the paper over the past few days and make a note of the two items about unicorns. Note the sad story in today's paper. Do what the guy in the paper did to annoy the unicorn. On the branch, take the leaf. Go to the temple. Take the robe, wear it and look in its pocket. Ring the fourth bell. Show the paper to the virgin and give her the hanky. Wait. Once outside, put the hanky and leaf in the bowl. Take the chow. Ring the fourth bell again.
Once in the room with the virgins, talk to them. Go into the sanctuary and wear the ring. Get in the vat. Wait until a virgin comes in. Uncloak and talk to the virgin. See what eventually happens to her. Cloak. When another virgin enters, give her the book to read. Enter the mouth in her place.
Talk to the god working on the hole. Note his problem and the fact that he has a bottle opener. Check out the Goddess of Beauty and visit and talk to the God of the North Wind. Listen carefully to his complaints. Note that it's his birthday. Take the note and deliver it to Morty, by showing it to Clio. Give what he gives you to the repairgod. Get some nectar.
Go to the Library and borrow books until you get one about reaching Mount Spa. Take it to the duplicator quickly before your loan expires. SAVE (or be prepared to UNDO). In the lab, work the machine (one of the switches is fatal) until you get a slimewig from it. Take it, go outside and get the message for Morty from the pigeon. Deliver it. When he calls in Clio, go outside and take the woad. Repeat this, and this time take the costume from the case.
Read the bulletin board near the vending machine, ring for a cake in Clio's office and wait until it arrives. Take it to the God of the North Wind, and light the candles with the dragon by pulling on its tail. Go back to the pond and get the golden key. Visit the forgetful god and give him the nectar repeatedly. Get the egg. Now follow the ritual described in the book. At the top of the mountain, use the Golden Key.
Read what the newspaper has to say about roddenberries. Check out the crew and talk to the captain. Give the berries to Zulu. Once you take control of the ship, visit Milligan's Island. Take the bottle and do the test. Relaunch the bottle and wait until it returns. It may take more than one go to gain admission. Take the umbrella. Go to the Pirate's Island and take their test. Get the rum.
Go to Monkey Island. Summon the banana the way Bud the Wizard told you to, and give it to the monkey. Take the coconut. Go to Lilliput. Put the coconut and umbrella on the belt. Afterwards, examine the lever and pull it. Put the dragon on the belt. Go to the island with the iceberg. Go to the Playroom and put the coconut on the guillotine. Make the drink and return to Phantasy Island.
Use the pitchfork on the pitch. Use the crowbar on the crow. Use the steak on the black eye. Take the candygram! Use the bolt cutters on the lightning. Turn the moon with the wrench.
In the turret, turn the hourglass on its side. Take the eyeballs and put them in the sockets of the skull. Hoot. Answer the question (it's reflected, so the answer must be too). In the passage, look at what is right under the chain. In the dressing room, take the makeup, read it and apply it to the chain in the passage exactly half an hour before the wedding. Go back to the dressing room and get on the broom. It may take more than one attempt to reach the passage below the Great Hall.
Open the trap door and come up under the cake. Wait and watch events unfold. At the right time, give the candygram to the witch. Take the princess and at the gates, blow the whistle. That's it.