YOU ARE SITTING ON A CHAIR IN A DORM ROOM. CHRIS IS ASLEEP ON THE TINY BED IN FRONT OF YOU. AT YOUR SIDE IS A GIGANTIC WHIRRING FAN. IT IS STILL TOO HOT. BEHIND YOU, TO THE WEST, IS A SECOND FLOOR BALCONY. TO THE EAST IS THE DOOR TO THE ROOM, CURRENTLY SHUT.

THE TIBOOK 'LOW POWER' ALERT COMES UP.

]I

YOU ARE CURRENTLY CARRYING:

TIBOOK OF SUPER-SPIFFYNESS (LOW BATTERY)
  - THE TIBOOK IS ATTACHED TO A NETWORK CABLE.
IPOD WITH HEADPHONES
KEYS
SNICKERS BAR
A PULL-CORD TALKING ZOG DOLL

THE IPOD IS CURRENTLY PLAYING "I HAXOR YOUR BOXXOR PART 5".

](since i have no power adapter,) USE KEYS TO DISASSEMBLE USELESS FAN INTO POWER CONVERTER

YOU POKE THE KEYS INTO THE FAN. IT CATCHES AND BUZZES FOR A FEW SECONDS, THEN THE FUSE BLOWS OUT. IT IS NOW 200 DECIBELS QUIETER.
CHRIS TURNS OVER AND SNORES.

]LOCATE POWER SOURCE

YOU LOCATE YOUR BACKPACK, AGAINST THE EAST WALL. IT CONTAINS A POWER CORD AND AN ADAPTER FOR THE TIBOOK, AS WELL AS A WALLET, EARPLUGS, A PALMPILOT, A USB CABLE, A FIREWIRE CABLE, SOME SCREEN-CLEANING FLUID, FOUR BATTERIES, A WATCH, A CELFONE (DEAD), A TOOTHBRUSH, A PEN, A KEYBOARD, AND AN OPTICAL MOUSE

]PLUG POWERBOOK INTO ADAPTER. PLUG ADAPTER INTO WALL SOCKET.

ADAPTER: TAKEN
YOU PLUG THE ADAPTER INTO THE POWERBOOK.
THERE ARE NO GODDAMN WALL SOCKETS IN THIE FUCKING ROOM. WHAT UP WITH THAT SHIT.

]EXAMINE FAN. FIGURE OUT WHERE IT WAS DRAWING POWER FROM.

THE FAN HAS A POWER CORD. THE CORD SNAKES BEHIND A LARGE DRESSER.

]MOVE DRESSER. BURN THE FUCKER IF NECESSARY. PLUG THE GODDAMN ADAPTER IN, QUICKLY.

YOU PUSH AT THE DRESSER BUT IT DOES NOT MOVE. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS UP WITH THIS GODDAMN DRESSER. THERE IS NO MEANS TO MAKE FIRE NEARBY. THE DOOR TO THE ROOM CREAKS OPEN SLIGHTLY. YOU SEE A SHADOW.

]IGNORE FUCKING SHADOW UNTIL POWER SUPPLY CRISIS IS SOLVED. BITE THROUGH FAN POWER CORD AND ADAPTER POWER CORD. SPLICE TOGETHER.

YOU BITE THROUGH THE FAN POWER CORD. MMM, SPARKLY.
  ******
YOU WAKE UP.
THE SHADOW IS GONE.
YOU SPLICE THE EXPOSED WIRES ON THE CORD ONTO THE PLUG OF THE ADAPTER. THE TIBOOK POWER ICON CHANGES TO 'CHARGING'.
+ 5 POINTS

](goodie.) EXAMINE SLUMBERING CHRIS.

CHRIS IS SHORT AND SCOTTISH IN APPEARANCE.
CHRIS IS WEARING SHORTS.
CHRIS IS LYING FACE DOWN ON THE BED.
CHRIS IS SNORING WITH HER MOUTH OPEN.

]GAUGE SUCCESS PROBABILITY OF PUTTING EARPLUGS INTO SLUMBERING CHRIS'S EARS WITHOUT WAKING HER.

THE EARPLUGS ARE CRUSTY. SHE WOULD PROBABLY ASSASINATE YOU.
A SHADOW APPEARS IN THE DOORWAY AGAIN.

]EXAMINE SHADOW

IT IS THIN AT THE TOP, MUCH THICKER BELOW THAT, AND THEN RATHER STRAIGHT ALL THE WAY OUT THE DOOR.

]CLAMP HAND OVER ZOG DOLL MOUTH. GINGERLY PULL ZOG DOLL CORD AND RELEASE.

THE CORD GOES OUT WITH A 'whzzzzzzz' NOISE. ZOG MAKES A FARTING NOISE INTO YOUR PALM.
'frrbbrbrbrbrbbrbrbrrttt. *ksshNORT*'
THE SHADOW LEAVES, TO THE NORTH. YOU HEAR A DOOR OPEN.

]GRAB ZOG DOLL NUTS IN VICE-LIKE GRIP. REMOVE HAND FROM ZOG MOUTH BUT READY IT FOR MUFFLING. RE-PULL CORD.

THE ZOG DOLL SAYS 'hhhLLLKKKKKK!!!'.
YOU PULL THE CORD. 'whzzzzzz'
THE ZOG DOLL SAYS, IN A VERY HIGH VOICE, 'you! will! pay!'

]TIE ZOG DOLL LEGS AROUND ZOG HEAD IN BIG KNOT. STUFF ZOG DOLL INTO BACKPACK SO IT CAN'T ESCAPE AND CAUSE HAVOK. EXAMINE TIBOOK.

THE TRUCK. FROM BISHOP. THE GUY. THE TERMS, THE WAKING UP.
THE ZOG DOLL MAKES NO NOISE AS YOU STUFF IT INTO THE BACKPACK.
THE TIBOOK IS SHINY METAL AND SLICK. THE DESKTOP BACKGROUND IS OF A SQUIRREL EATING CEREAL AND TWITCHING ONE EYE.
PROTEUS IS OPEN. LEXX0R IS ONLINE.

]COMPOSE A RIGHTEOUS HACK INVOLVING THE NSA, FRIED CHICKEN, SATCOM 7, CHGRP "BONERS" AND KRYPTONITE. RANSOM THE RIAA WITH IT FOR 42 GAJILLION ZENNY.

YOUR FINGERS BLUR ON THE KEYBOARD.
YOU ARE MOMENTARILY INCONVENIENCED BY HARVEY MUDD'S BLOCKING OF PORT 5500. YOU CHGRP BONERS JUST IN TIME FOR THE FRIED CHICKEN, AND LOOK UP.
THERE IS NO FRIED CHICKEN HERE.
THE RIAA SENDS YOU AN 'IM'
  "WE'LL DO ANYTHING. JUST DON'T HURT THE BONERS."
YOU HEAR AN ELECTRIC ZAP, AND CURSING NOISES IN A GIRLY VOICE TO THE NORTH.

]REDIRECT THE ZENNY INTO LONG-TERM HIGH-RISK LOW-YEILD PORK RIND JUNK BONDS. SET TIBOOK TO COMPUTE "THE ANSWER", GET BACKPACK, GO NORTH.

ZENNY: CHA-CHING.
THE RIAA SENDS YOU ANOTHER 'IM'
  "ROGER WATERS JUST BLEW UP OUR HEADQUARTERS. HE SAYS YOU'RE THE LEADER OF THE JIHAD. YOU FUCKER. WE'LL GET YOU SOME DAY."
THE TIBOOK CPU FAN TURNS ON.
YOU PLACE THE TIBOOK ON THE CHAIR.

BACKPACK: TAKEN.
YOU EXIT THE ROOM AND TURN NORTH.

YOU ARE STANDING OUTSIDE ANOTHER DORM ROOM. THE DOOR IS OPEN. YOU HEAR CURSING TO THE EAST.

]PARSE CURSING. PEEK INSIDE DOOR, CHECKING SPIDER SENSES.

THE CURSING SEEMS TO BE DIRECTED AT A COMPUTER.
YOU PEEK AROUND THE DOOR. BECAUSE OF THE ANGLE, ALL YOU SEE IS WHITE WALL.
SPIDER SENSES: "life is good, maaan. kick it." (1.5 BEAT OF DRUMS)

]BOLDY GO FORTH INTO ROOM. PRONOUNCE PRESENCE WITH CONFIDENCE. SMILE.

YOU PUSH OPEN THE DOOR AND WALK IN.

*DORM ROOM 2*

THIS IS AN EXTREMELY MESSY DORM ROOM. A SINGLE LIGHT BULB OVERHEAD ILLUMINATES PILES OF UNSORTED BOOKS, FURNITURE, AND CLOTHING.
THERE IS A COMPUTER HERE, WITH RANDOM WIRES POKING OUT OF IT.
THERE IS A MONITOR HERE, DISPLAYING 'SIGNAL NOT DETECTED'.
ANDREA IS HERE, CURSING AT THE COMPUTER.
YOU SMILE AT ANDREA.
ANDREA SAYS "Oh hey! What's up? Can you help me with this damn thing?"

]WIELD M4D HAXX0R SK177Z.

M4D HAXX0R SK177Z: WIELDED
ANDREA SAYS "Jeff was messing with it earlier today, now all it does is beep three times when I plug it in. Arrrrghh!"

]ESPOUSE COMICAL ANECDOTES ABOUT BEEPING COMPUTER AND DOPE-SMOKING 15 SECOND CELEBRITIES. FIX EVERYTHING IN ROOM WITH SK177Z. SMILE.

ANDREA LAUGHS. "You're nice."
COMPUTER: YOU OPEN IT AND DISCOVER THE SDRAM ISN'T SEATED. FIXED.
MONITOR: IT'S NOT PLUGGED INTO THE COMPUTER. FIXED.
LIGHT: DOESN'T NEED FIXING.
ANDREA: WORKING *PERFECTLY*.

]EXAMINE ANDREA. CHECK SPIDER SENSES.

ANDREA HAS SHORT MESSY BLEACHED BLOND HAIR.
ANDREA IS TALL AND GANGLY, AND HAS LARGE EYES.
ANDREA IS CUTE IN A GEEKY WAY.
ANDREA HAS ENORMOUS BREASTS.
ANDREA IS WEARING PANTS AND A BLACK SHIRT.
SPIDER SENSES: "Hmmm. Reserved, but not taken."

]STRIKE UP CHARMING YET NON THREATENING CONVERSATION REVOLVING AROUND SUCH TOPICS AS FRITOS, LEFT SOCKS, SPAM, GOATS, THE FBI, NARCOLEPSY, STUDENT DRIVERS, AND RABBIT FEET. PARSE RESPONSES FOR ANDREA'S PSYCHOLOGICAL PERSONALITY INDEX.

YOU CHAT UP ANDREA WHILE ATTACHING A PRINTER STAND TO THE TOP OF HER MONITOR.
SHE SEEMS STEEPED IN GEEK CULTURE, SENSITIVE AND OPEN, BUT VERY YOUNG.
SHE SEEMS TO LIKE YOU, BUT HER TRUE INTEREST LEVEL IS A COMPLETE MYSTERY.
"So what do you think of the Harvey Mudd girl's dorm, eh?" ANDREA ELBOWS YOU, GRINNING.

]REPLY NON-COMMITINGLY, MENTION TIME SPENT IN BLASTED HELLSCAPES. MOVE CONVERSATION TO OCCULT MATTERS, SPIRITUALITY. GAUGE RESPONSE, PSYCHIC ABILITY.

YOU SAY "It's intersting so far. Only seen two rooms, though, out of, what, 100?"
ANDREA LAUGHS.
ANDREA SAYS "Well, that's a good start."

YOU MENTION BLASTED HELLSCAPES, AND ANDREA APPEARS DISTURBED.
"Wow. Sounds awful."
YOU SAY "Yeah, so, I've been getting into psychology as a kind of response to that, and..."
ANDREA SAYS "Oh really? I'm minoring in psychology! It's neat stuff. ... arrgh." ANDREA SLAPS THE SIDE OF HER HEAD. "The last paper I had to write was brutal, though."

ANDREA DOES NOT APPEAR TO HAVE ANY DIRECT PSYCHIC ABILITY, THOUGH SHE DOES POSSESS EMOTIONAL INTUITION.
YOU HEAR FOOTSTEPS ON A STAIRWAY TO THE SOUTH.

]EXCUSE SELF. SOUTH. SEARCH FOR LATENT PSYCHIC ABILITIES IN PASSERBYS.

ANDREA SAYS "See ya later!" SHE SITS DOWN AT THE COMPUTER.

*HALLWAY.*

THERE ARE THREE DORM ROOM DOORS HERE, AND A STAIRWAY TO THE SOUTH. SOPHIE IS STANDING HERE, UNLOCKING A DOOR.
SOPHIE SAYS "Heeeey, wzzup?"

]EXAMINE SOPHIE. SCAN WITH SPIDER SENSES. GET OUT SNICKERS BAR.

SOPHIE APPEARS TO BE EITHER BAKED OR GENERALLY DIMWITTED.
SOPHIE IS OF MEDIUM BUILD, WEARING A SLEEVELESS SHIRT AND TROUSERS.
SOPHIE HAS BUZZCUT, SPIKED WITH HAIR GEL.
SPIDER SENSES: "Hot stuff, if you can shut off your brain."

YOU TAKE OUT THE SNICKERS BAR. IT'S "KING SIZE".
SOPHIE OPENS HER DOOR AND PUTS HER KEYS BACK INTO HER POCKET.

]GREET SOPHIE WARMLY USING APPROPRIATE LAID BACK DRUG CULTURE LINGO. ASK IF SHE HAS THE MUNCHIES, WAVING SNICKERS BAR SUGGESTIVELY.

YOU SAY "Mrrm, Sophie the Hottie. Wassup, eh?"
SOPHIE GRINS VERY TOOTHILY. "Heeeeey!"
YOU ASK AND WAVE THE SNICKERS BAR.
SOPHIE LAUGHS. SHE WAVES HER HAND, AND SHAKES HER HEAD. "Nahh, nah, man. That's cool tho, thanks."
SOPHIE DISAPPEARS NORTHWEST INTO HER ROOM.

]PEEK INTO ROOM, INQUIRE WHAT SOPHIE IS "UP TO".

*SOPHIE'S ROOM*

SOPHIE'S ROOM IS DECORATED WALL-TO-WALL WITH MOVIE POSTERS.
THERE IS A CROOKED BOOKSHELF HERE.
THERE IS AN INCENSE-OIL BURNER HERE.
THERE IS A LARGE SHINY STEREO HERE.
THERE IS A COMPUTER HERE, WITH CANDLE-WAX SPLATTERED ON IT.
SOPHIE IS HERE, MAKING THE BED.
SOPHIE SAYS "Oh, hey, yeeeah I'm, like, fried and shit. I mean, majorly. This weekend was intense. I gotta get some sleep, but maybe we'll hang out later, aye?"
SOHPIE REMOVES HER SHIRT.

](psychic potential possible?!) SUGGEST IN DISAPPOINTED TONE THAT GETTING HIGH WOULD BE A FUN ACTIVITY.

SOPHIE LAUGHS.
SOPHIE SAYS "Yeah but I'd like, fall asleep in two seconds and start a fire or some shit. I am seriously worn out. Besides, fuckin JEFF took my stash. Oh god I am NEVER 'helping out' that fucker again, I said, hey just dip into the bag it's on my shelf, yo, and he's like 'You're the greatest girl, I love you' and I'm like, 'right, you just need it bad, whatever." Fucker stole the WHOLE BAG."
SOPHIE YAWNS.
SOPHIE REMOVES HER TROUSERS, SHOWING A THREADBARE RED G-STRING.
SOPHIE APPEARS TO HAVE NO PSYCHIC ABILITIES WHEN NOT STONED.

](dammit.) REGRETFULLY EXCUSE SELF WITH PROMISE TO RETURN LATER. EXIT, KNOCK ON ADJACENT DOOR.

SOPHIE SAYS "Catch ya later, yeahh..ss.z.z.z.."
YOU PROCEED TO THE ADJACENT DOOR AND KNOCK. YOU HEAR A LOUD SNORE FROM WITHIN.

]ACTIVATE NINJA SK177Z.

N1NJA SK177Z: ACTIVATED.
YOUR CLOTHING TURNS BLACK.
YOUR SNEAKERS INFLATE.
YOU HEAR LAUGHTER FROM BELOW YOU, TO THE SOUTH.

]STEALTHILY CREEP INSIDE ROOM. EXAMINE SNORER. GAUGE PSYCHIC ABILITY.

YOU CREEP INSIDE THE ROOM, MAKING NO SOUND.
CHRIS IS HERE. A TIBOOK IS HERE.
THE TIBOOK IS 'ASLEEP'.
PSYCHIC ABILITY INDEX OF CHRIS: %27

]('hell?!) WAKE UP TIBOOK. RESUME SEARCH FOR ANSWER. CHECK AIRFLOW. DISABLE SLEEP IN ENERGY SAVER.

YOU WAKE UP THE TIBOOK. THE SCREEN DISPLAYS WHITE, EXCEPT FOR THE NUMBER '42' IN BLUE AND UNDERLINED.

ENERGY SAVER: DISABLED.
YOU RESET THE SEARCH ALGORITHM.
THE TIBOOK FAN TURNS ON.

]HAXX0R YAHOO.COM TO REDIRECT ALL SEARCH QUERIES TO GOATSE.CX. EXIT ROOM. NINJA SK177Z OFF. SOUTH DOWN STAIRS.

YOU CANCEL THE SEARCH ALGORITHM IN ORDER TO USE THE BROWSER.
YAHOO.COM: HAXX0RED
GOATSE.CX IS DOWN, SO YOU REDIRECT EVERYTHING TO POODLES-R-US.GOV .
YOU GET AN IM FROM SKOT:
  "Hey, are YOU responsible for this?"
THE IM CONATAINS A URL TO A NEWS REPORT DESCRIBING A NUCLEAR CLOUD OVER THE RIAA LEGAL DEPARTMENT.
N1NJ4 SK177Z: OFF

*FOOT OF STAIRS:*

THERE IS A SMALL TABLE HERE WITH A BOWL OF JOLLY RANCHERS IN IT.
THERE IS A CAMPUS PHONE HERE.
THERE IS A POSTER BOARD HERE.
THE HALLWAY EXTENDS SOUTH.
A SELF-LOCKING DOOR LEADS TO A GARDEN, TO THE EAST

]PSYCHIC IM SK0T: "MUHAHAHA." STEAL TWO GRAPE JOLLY RANCHERS. EXAMINE POSTER BOARD. LOCATE LAUGHTER.

YOUR TIBOOK WAKES UP, IN THE ROOM TO THE NORTH.
IM: SENT
JOLLY RANCHERS: TAKEN
POSTER BOARD:
  THERE ARE TWO FLYERS FOR CHRISTIAN ORGANIZATIONS, A COLLAGE OF PICTURES OF 18-21-YEAR-OLD GIRLS LABELED 'WELCOME BACK', AND A DROP BOX LABELED 'FREE!' WITH 'CLASS OF 06' LETTERHEAD PACKAGES IN IT.
THE LAUGHTER APPEARS TO HAVE COME FROM THE SOUTH.

]SCAN GIRL PHOTOS FOR LATENT PSYCHIC IMPRINTS.

THREE OF THE HUNDRED DISPLAY LATENT PSYCHIC IMPRINTS.
ONE OF THE THREE DISPLAYS A MASSIVE, ALMOST BRAIN-DESTROYING PSYCHIC IMPRINT.

]LOCATE THAT GIRL. DAMMIT.

OH YEAH, AND 'WIN GAME' AND 'GET ALL', WHILE I'M AT IT, HUH?
-1 POINT
SMARTASS.

]GRUNT. SOUTH.

*LOUNGE*

THERE IS A SERIES OF COUCHES HERE. THERE IS A GRANDFATHER CLOCK HERE.
LARGE DOUBLE DOORS OPEN TO A GARDEN TO THE SOUTH.
THERE IS A PIANO HERE.
JESSICA IS HERE, SITTING ON A COUCH.
AIDA IS HERE, SITTING ON A CHAIR.
24-HOUR-DAVE IS HERE, ASLEEP ON THE FLOOR.

]TELEPORT NORTH. RIP PSYCHIC GIRL OUT OF COLLAGE. TELEPORT SOUTH. GREET DENIZENS OF ROOM SUAVELY.

TELEPORT FAILED.
YOU WALK NORTH AND RIP THE PICTURE OF THE GIRL OUT OF THE COLLAGE.
PICTURE: TAKEN

TELEPORT FAILED.
YOU WALK SOUTH.
JESSICA IS GESTICULATING EXCITEDLY WITH HER HANDS.
AIDA HAS HER HEAD TILTED TO ONE SIDE, LOOKING AT JESSICA.
24-HOUR-DAVE IS DROOLING INTO THE CARPET.

YOU GREET EVERYONE.
AIDA LOOKS UP AND SAYS "Hello."
JESSICA GRINS AND WAVES, THEN SAYS, "So, he leaves the stage and the second act starts, but the audience is like, nuts at this point..."

]TAME INNER HATRED. SIT DOWN. LISTEN TO CONVERSATION, ACTING INTERESTED. EXAMINE DENIZENS.

INNER HATRED: STUFFED IN BOX TEMPORARILY.
YOU SIT ON THE COUCH ACROSS FROM AIDA.
AIDA IS SMALL AND THIN, OF KOREAN DESCENT. HER HAIR IS LONG AND BLACK, AND FALLS OVER A THICK BROWN SWEATER.
JESSICA IS A WOMAN OF UNKNOWN EUROPEAN DESCENT, WITH BROWN HAIR AND GREY EYES. SHE HAS A RING AND SEVERAL BANGLES ON ONE ARM. SHE IS WEARING PANTS AND A STRIPED LONG-SLEEVED SHIRT WITH THE SLEEVES PUSHED UP.
24-HOUR-DAVE IS A FRENCH-LOOKING MAN IN HIS LATE 20'S, WITH BEARD STUBBLE. HIS BLACK HAIR IS THINNING, AND HIS BLACK LEATHER JACKET IS RUMPLED. HE IS NOT WEARING SHOES.

JESSICA SAYS "...told the director, 'he can't DO that!', and then Mike, the director, just told him to piss off. So Devon did the same thing during the next show, and the crowd just loves it every time, I swear. He says he just thought of it, like, randomly, but it totally fits the character...
(" ... blah blah blah ...")

]FEIGN INTEREST. CHECK SPIDER SENSES. GAUGE PSYCHIC, NINJA TALENT OF DENIZENS.

INTEREST IS WANING, BUT STILL MANAGEABLE.
SPIDER SENSES: "No threats here. But who is this Aida person?"
JESSICA WOULD HAVE PSYCHIC ABILITIES IF SHE DIDN'T DELIBERATELY IGNORE THEM.
AIDA SHOULD HAVE PSYCHIC ABILITIES, BUT DOESN'T.
24-HOUR-DAVE IS UNMEASURABLE FOR PSYCHIC ABILITY. BUT HIS N1NJ4 SK177Z ARE PHENOMENAL.

](blast. this is getting wearisome.) (how will I complete my soul-sucking mission!?)

SOUL SUCKING?

](muwahahahaha) SHOW PHOTO TO GIRLS. ASK IF THEY KNOW HER.

24-HOUR-DAVE WAKES UP, STRETCHES, AND STANDS NEXT TO YOU.
JESSICA LOOKS AT THE PICTURE FOR A LONG TIME.
"She looks familiar, but I don't know where I've seen her."
AIDA LOOKS AT THE PICTURE.
"That looks kinda like Lynn. I think she lives in C-dorm."

]ASK WAY TO C-DORM, MYSTERIOUSLY.

YOU STEEPLE YOUR FINGERS AND LAUGH IN A FOREBODING WAY.
AIDA SAYS "C-dorm is across the garden ... uh .... that way."
AIDA POINTS SOUTH.

]STAND. EXIT SOUTH.

YOU LEAVE THE COUCH.
JESSICA RESUMES HER STORY "So anyway, all of a sudden Devon is like, this really hot guy. I mean, after he did that and I wanted to just..." (blah blah)

YOU EXIT THE LOUNGE TO THE SOUTH.
24-HOUR-DAVE FOLLOWS YOU.

*GARDEN*

THIS IS A MOONLIT EXPANSE OF GREEN LAWN WITH A MARBLE FOUNTAIN IN THE CENTER. LIT LOUNGE WINDOWS AND DOORS ARE VISIBLE TO THE NORTH, WEST, AND SOUTH. A WIDE PATH LEADS EAST.

]SOUTH.

*LOUNGE*

THIS IS A SMALL BRIGHLY-LIT LOUNGE.
HALLWAYS EXTEND SOUTH AND WEST.
THERE IS A POOL TABLE HERE.
THERE IS A TELEVISION HERE.
24-HOUR-DAVE IS HERE, SCRATCHING HIS NADS.

]DETECT PSYCHIC CONCENTRATIONS.

YOU SENSE AN ODD PRESENSE RIGHT NEXT TO YOU.
YOU SENSE AN ODD PRESENCE WEST OF YOU.
YOU SENSE EXTREME STUPIDITY TO THE SOUTH.
YOU SENSE MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF LUST TO THE SOUTHWEST.

]WEST.

*HALLWAY*

THIS IS AN EAST-WEST HALLWAY, LIT BY COVERED LAMPS ON THE WALLS. DORM-ROOM DOORS LINE THE WALLS, THREE TO THE NORTH, THREE TO THE SOUTH.
24-HOUR-DAVE IS HERE.
24-HOUR-DAVE LOOKS EDGY.

]INQUIRE TO DAVE: "What's up?"

24-HOUR-DAVE SAYS "Suh. Whufffblfblfflbtt. Nyugga nugga hlllkkck. COFFEE MOTHER FUCK THESIS."
24-HOUR-DAVE POINTS TO THE SOUTHEAST DOOR.

]LISTEN AT SOUTHEAST DOOR. CHECK SPIDER SENSES.

YOU PUT YOUR EAR TO THE SOUTHEAST DOOR. YOU HEAR NOTHING.
SPIDER SENSES: "What the HELL!?"

]KNOCK ON SOUTHEAST DOOR.

NO RESPONSE.
24-HOUR-DAVE LOOKS AT YOU QUIZZICALLY.

]READY NINJA SK177Z BUT MASK INTENT. POINT BEHIND DAVE: "Look! Jodie Foster Naked!"

N1NJ4 SK177Z: READY.
YOUR SHOES INFLATE.
24-HOUR-DAVE TURNS AROUND, EYES BUGGY.
THE NORTH DORM ROOM DOOR OPENS.
JODIE FOSTER ENTERS THE HALL, WEARING A TOWEL.

]EXECUTE NERVE PINCH #57 COMBO TO DAVE WITH BLINDING NINJA SPEED.

YOU SMACK 24-HOUR-DAVE IN THE SHOULDER VULCAN-STYLE. HE CRUMPLES TO THE FLOOR.
JODIE FOSTER LOOKS AT YOU, CONFUSED.
"Um, excuse me but, ... where am I? Last thing I remember, I was..."

]DRAG DAVE INTO JODIE'S ROOM. USHER HER IN TOO. SHUT DOOR.

YOU DRAG 24-HOUR-DAVE BY THE SCRUFF OF HIS JACKET INTO THE NORTHERN ROOM

*JODIE FOSTER'S DORM ROOM*

THIS IS A TIDY ROOM WITH A LARGE DESKLAMP AND A NARROW BED WITH LARGE PILLOWS.
A POWERMAC G4 IS HERE, WITH A 24-INCH CINEMA DISPLAY.
A BOOKSHELF IS HERE, STUFFED TO OVERFLOWING.
JODIE FOSTER ENTERS, FROM THE SOUTH.
JODIE FOSTER SAYS: "That's 24-Hour-Dave! I know that. I don't know why I know that. Er,..."
JODIE FOSTER PUTS A HAND TO HER FOREHEAD. SHE LOOKS CONFUSED.

]TIE DAVE SECURELY TO BED WITH USB CABLES FROM MAC. PREPARE TO EXIT ROOM. WINK AT JODIE: "Have fun, kids."

YOU THROW 24-HOUR-DAVE ONTO THE BED.
USB CABLES: TAKEN
24-HOUR-DAVE IS NOW TIED TO THE BEDFRAME.
JODIE FOSTER WALKS TO HER CLOSET AND SLIPS ON A DARK BLUE BATHROBE, THEN PEELS OFF THE TOWEL AND HANGS IT UP.
"This is so. Weird. Is this some kind of hallucination?"

]TELL JODIE: "It's all real, sugar-toots." EXIT. PSYCHIC SHEILDS UP. OPEN SOUTHEAST DOOR, PEEK IN.

JODIE FOSTER SHAKES HER HEAD IN DISBELIEF.
24-HOUR-DAVE WAKES UP, NOTICES HIS PREDICAMENT, AND NOTICES JODIE. A LOOK OF UTTER JOY BLOOMS ON HIS FACE.

*HALLWAY.*

SHIELDS UP.
THE SOUTHEAST DOOR OPENS TO A LIT ROOM.

]ENTER. CHECK SPIDER SENSES.

*LYNN'S ROOM*

THIS ROOM IS COMPLETELY EMPTY EXCEPT FOR A FEW ARTICLES OF CLOTHING HUNG ON THE WALL, AN OLD MANUAL TYPEWRITER ON THE FLOOR IN THE CORNER, AND A BEANBAG CHAIR.
LYNN IS HERE, LYING ON THE FLOOR, FACE UP. HER EYES ARE CLOSED. MINIATURE YIN-YANGS ARE CIRCLING HER HEAD.

](exxxxxxxxxxcrament)(spider senses?)

SPIDER SENSES ARE NOT RESPONDING.

]MASK AURA. NINJA-SNEAK ADJACENT TO LYNN WITHIN STRIKING DISTANCE.

AURA: MASKED
YOU N1NJ4 SNEAK OVER TO LYNN.
THERE IS A COMMOTION IN THE HALLWAY TO THE NORTHWEST. YOU HEAR A DOOR SLAM.
LYNN'S EYES OPEN.
YOU GET AN ISNTANT PIERCING HEADACHE.
LYNN PULLS HERSELF SLOWLY AND SMOOTHLY INTO A SITTING POSITION, LOOKING UP AT YOU FROM THE FLOOR.

]PULL ZOG DOLL OUT OF BACKPACK. WAVE IT IN TRACE-INDUCING MOTION IN FRONT OF LYNN.

YOU RUMMAGE IN YOUR BACKPACK AND HOLD OUT THE ZOG DOLL, CURRENTLY TIED UP LIKE A DINNER-ROLL.
LYNN HALF-SMILES. HER SHARP GREY EYES REFOCUS.
  "sit."
YOU COLLAPSE AGAINST THE NORTHERN WALL.

24-HOUR-DAVE ENTERS. HIS LEATHER JACKET IS MISSING. HIS PANTS ARE UNDONE.

](shit!!)NINJA LEAP ACROSS ROOM. WIELD DAVE WITH HERCULEAN STRENGTH. THROW DAVE BODILY ACROSS ROOM AT LYNN.

YOU LEAP UP, TOWARDS DAVE, AND GRAB HIM AT THE BACK OF THE NECK. DAVE: WIELDED.
YOU MAKE TO THROW DAVE. LYNN'S EYES REFOCUS AGAIN. SHE IS NOT EVEN LOOKING AT YOU - STILL FACING FORWARD. YOU DROP DAVE.
DAVE LANDS ON HIS FACE.

JODIE FOSTER ENTERS, WEARING SWEATPANTS AND A T-SHIRT, AND 24-HOUR-DAVE'S LEATHER JACKET.
JODIE FOSTER SAYS "Okay just what the heck is ... oh, hello Lynn. ... okay, what the heck is going on here, huh?"

](crutch-hopping jesus!)PSYCHIC BLAST LYNN, MAXXXXXX POWER

YOU LEAN FORWAD AND GO 'HURRRR!!'
A HUGE TECHNOCOLOR NEON BLAZE ERUPTS IN FRONT OF LYNN, LIKE A FLOWER BLOOMING AND MELTING OVER A CAMERA LENS.
LYNN'S HAIR FLAPS AS IF IN A STRONG WIND.
LYNN'S FOREHEAD KNITS, AND SHE CLOSES HER EYES, TURNING TO THE SIDE. SHE LOOKS IRRITATED.
24-HOUR-DAVE IS GIBBERING AND ATTEMPTING TO CLIMB THE WALL.
JODIE FOSTER LOOKS IMPRESSED.
JODIE FOSTER SAYS "Wait. You and Lynn ... you're not friends?!"

](rad) (ok complex move here) WHIP TYPEWRITER WITH FIREWIRE CABLE USING NINJA SK177Z SUCH THAT IT RICHOCHETS OFF WALL TOWARDS JODIE, AIMING FOR FEET. IMMEDIATELY PLUG FIREWIRE CABLE INTO ZOG DOLL FOREHEAD AND LEAP AT LYNN. (SCREAM "SCHWAAAA")

THE TYPEWRITER FLIES THROUGH THE AIR. JODIE THROWS UP HER ARMS PROTECTIVELY.
YOU PLUG THE FIREWIRE CORD INTO THE ZOG DOLL. IT TURNS BLUE AND HEATS UP CONSIDERABLY. YOU CAN NOW ONLY GRASP THE CABLE BY HOLDING THE ZOG DOLL IN YOUR HAND.

YOU LEAP AT LYNN

WITHOUT ANY INTERVENING MOVEMENT, LYNN IS STANDING.
SHE OPENS HER EYES, AND SAYS
  "fhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."
HER FACE CONTORTS INTO AN INTENSE EXPRESSION OF RAGE.

WHITE FIRE CONSUMES THE ROOM. THE WALLS MELT.
24-HOUR-DAVE IS BLOWN THROUGH THE INSULATION, AND FLIES THROUGH A HOLE TO THE SOUTH.
THE TYPEWRITER TURNS INTO A BURNING BALL OF SLAG AND SAILS STRAIGHT THROUGH THE FLOOR, MAKING A HOLE IN THE FOUNDATION.

WHEN THE WHITE FIRE RECEDES, YOU ARE STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF A BURNING ROOM.
JODIE FOSTER IS SLAPPING AT HER SWEATPANTS AND COUGHING.
LYNN IS STANDING A FEW PACES TO THE SOUTH OF YOU, WITHIN TOUCHING DISTANCE. MULTI-COLORED LICKS OF FIRE FLASH ON TOP OF HER SHORT BROWN HAIR.
SHE APPEARS CALM AGAIN.

]PLUNGE FIREWIRE CABLE END INTO LYNN'S FOREHEAD!!!! IGNORE BURNING!

LYNN'S EYES REFOCUS.
STRANGELY, SHE BOWS FORWARD SO YOU CAN GET A BETTER ANGLE, AND YOU PLUNGE THE FIREWIRE CABLE IN.
THE ZOG DOLL, TIED TO THE OTHER END, INFLATES LIKE A BIG RED PARTY BALOON ON A STRING.

AN ICY WIND ERUPTS FROM THE HOLE IN THE SOUTHERN WALL, EXTINGUISHING THE FIRE.
JODIE FOSTER IS STILL COUGHING.
THE ZOG-DOLL IS NOW TEN FEET ACROSS AND SLIGHTLY TRANSPARENT. THE LEGS HAVE UNTIED. ZOG LOOKS TERRIFIED.

]USE ALL POWERS TO CONTAIN LYNN'S CHANNELED PSYCHIC POWER IN ZOG DOLL, CONCENTRATING IT DOWN INTO PURE PSYCHIC FURY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!111!!11!

YOU ATTEMPT TO RECOMPRESS THE ZOG DOLL, OR AT LEAST KEEP IT FROM EXPLODING.
THE ZOG-DOLL BOUNCES MERRILY AROUND THE CEILING. "Uh uh uh what the fuck ack ack ack ow ow" SAYS THE DOLL

24-HOUR-DAVE ENTERS FROM THE HOLE IN THE SOUTHERN WALL.
HE IS WEARING SHADES, AND COVERED IN FROST.
JODIE FOSTER LEANS AGAINST THE EASTERN WALL.
JODIE FOSTER SAYS "Oh boy. This just got even wierder. This is the craziest dream..."
THE ZOG DOLL SLOWLY SINKS TO THE GROUND AND DARKENS INTO A VAGUELY ZOG-SIZED LUMP.

]KEEP SUCKING POWER OUT OF LYNN!!!! DRAIN THAT BITCH! :)

LYNN APPEARS NOT TO EVEN NOTICE THE DRAIN.
24-HOUR-DAVE WALKS OVER TO THE BLUE CABLE, AND LAYS HIS HAND ON IT.
24-HOUR-DAVE SAYS "Be cool. Whattghamugga. THESIS."

THE CABLE VANISHES.
THE LUMP ON THE FLOOR JERKS. IT STANDS UP.
ZOG IS HERE.

JODIE FOSTER REGARDS ZOG.
JODIE FOSTER SAYS "Alright, too many people in the room. Can somebody explain all this, please?"

](dammit!) WIELD ZOG. PULL CORD.

YOU GRAB ZOG BY THE SCRUFF OF THE NECK. "That is NOT a legal boxing move!" CHIDES ZOG.
ZOG HAS NO CORD IN HIS BACK.

LYNN LOOKS UP AGAIN, AND NOTICES 24-HOUR-DAVE. SHE SMILES SLIGHTLY. 24-HOUR-DAVE WALKS OVER TO JODIE.
"My jacket, yeah cool. Gimme."

](grrr my plans have gone awry! I cannot rain down terror and destruction with the zog doll of ultimate fury!!!)

HAHAHA.
SO THAT WAS THE PLAN.

]RELAX. ASSUME LOTUS POSITION. RELATE EVENTS TO JODIE.

YOU SIT DOWN ON THE TAR-SMEARED FROSTY CEMENT THAT WAS A CARPET.
24-HOUR-DAVE ACCEPTS HIS COAT FROM JODIE, THEN LEAVES THROUGH A GAP IN THE WALL TO THE NORTHWEST, STEPPING OVER A BLACKENED DOOR.
ZOG NOTICES LYNN. "Oh, hey it's Lynn!" HE TURNS TO YOU. "You and Lynn are friends? I didn't know that! That's awesome, I know Lynn from Lee Vining!"

YOU TELL JODIE ALL ABOUT YOUR SEARCH.
"So, wait, there was some kind of, ah... psychic event, or something, and now I'm here? Like really here?"

]SAY TO ZOG: "Nah I was just using her in a ploy to TAKE OVER THE WORLD but now that your ass is here, what the hell." SAY TO LYNN: "Hey, wassup." PLOT INWARDLY TO KILL EVERYONE.

ZOG NODS. "Same old lexx0r, yep."
LYNN WALKS TO WITHIN AN INCH OF YOUR FACE, AND GRASPS THE SIDES OF YOUR HEAD.
  "That was my favorite beanbag chair."
LYNN RIPS YOUR EARS OFF.

SECONDS LATER, YOUR EARS ARE INTACT, AND LYNN IS SITTING DOWN AGAINST THE WALL, NOWHERE NEAR YOU.
JODIE FOSTER HAS BEEN TRANSFORMED INTO A GOOSE.

]ASSUME CHUM-CHUMMY POSTURING. SAY TO LYNN: "Chill, babe, I got the MAD beanbag hookups. Get you a perfect replacement, no sweat." EAT JODIE.

LYNN SMILES A WIDE, LAZY SMILE. "Eeeexcrelent." SHE SAYS.
YOU DIVE FOR JODIE THE GOOSE, AND CATCH HOLD OF HER TAIL FEATHERS, BUT SHE HONKS AND WIGGLES FREE.
JODIE THE GOOSE VANISHES THROUGH THE HOLE TO THE SOUTH.
ZOG LOOKS AT HIS WATCH. "Christ it's early. Late. Whatever."

]ENGAGE ZOG IN RAMPANT SPECULATION ABOUT OUTCOME OF GAME. MENTION "CRACKLES" AND UNTIMELY DISEMBOWELMENT.

ZOG'S EYES GET LOOPY IN HIS HEAD. HE SWAYS A LITTLE, THEN WHIPS A GIGANTIC SWORD OUT OF HIS SPORT-JACKET.
ZOG SAYS "Zoggah in the HIZZ OUSSSEE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGHH!!"
ZOG DISEMBOWLS HIMSELF.

THE BLOODY SWORD CLATTERS TO THE FLOOR.
ZOG IS DEAD.
LYNN LAUGHS VERY LOUDLY, FOR TWENTY SECONDS AT LEAST, POINTING AND GRINNING AT ZOG AND THE EXPANDING POOL OF GORE BENEATH HIM.

](lol)QUICKLY CAPTURE ZOG PSYCHIC ESSENCE IN BATTERIES.

YOU SCRUB THE BATTERIES AROUND IN THE GORE, THOROUGHLY DIRTYING YOUR HAND. MAYBE THAT DID SOMETHING, MAYBE IT DIDN'T.
LYNN LAUGHS VERY HARD.
24-HOUR-DAVE ENTERS FROM THE SOUTHERN HOLE, HOLDING A DEAD GOOSE BY THE NECK.

]POWER CELL PHONE WITH BATTERIES, HAXXORING AS NEEDED.

YOU RIP THE BACK OFF THE CELPHONE AND GRIP THE BATTERIES AGAINST IT WITH YOUR HAND, AND POUND THE CONTRAPTION ON THE CEMENT FLOOR.
THE PHONE RINGS.
LYNN IS ROLLING ON THE FLOOR CLUTCHING HER SIDES WITH LAUGHTER.

]ANSWER PHONE, IMMEDIATELY HANG UP. SPEED DIAL BEANBAG-UNIVERSAL.

GAROTE SAYS "Hey, this is garote, I..." < CLICK > A TECHIE SAYS "Hello! Beanbag Universal, distribution center! How may I serve you today?"
24-HOUR-DAVE SLAPS THE GOOSE RAPIDLY AGAINST THE CEMENT. "Guh, whap tenderize. STUDY SESSION."

]ORDER PERFECT REPLACEMENT BEANBAG, ULTRA RUSH DELIVERY BY GNOME SERVICE. SAY TO DAVE: "You realize that's Jodie there, doncha?"

A TECHIE SAYS "Thank you for your order. Where shall we ship it?"
DAVE LOOKS AT THE BLOODIED PULP OF A GOOSE IN HIS HAND.
  "Fuck."

]GIVE CURRENT COORDINATES TO PHONE. SAY TO LYNN: "Mind teaching me that time-shifting trick?"

YOU SAY "12S, 14E."
A TECHIE SAYS "Thank you. We will ship immediately."

LYNN SITS UP AGAINST THE WALL AGAIN, AND SMILES AT YOU.
"It's not time shifting. I'm just swapping realities."

24-HOUR-DAVE HOLDS THE DEAD GOOSE OUT TO LYNN.
"My bad." HE SAYS.

]SAY TO LYNN: "Innnnteresting..." ADOPT SNUGGLY WUGGLY ATTITUDE. "Tell me more..."

LYNN LAUGHS. "Refocus your eyes."
TEN GNOMES CLAMBOR IN THROUGH THE NORTHEAST DOOR, CARRYING A HUGE WHITE BOX.

]SAY TO GNOMES: "Ahhh, excellent work. Put it right there, boys." TIP THE GNOMES WITH THE SNICKERS BAR. ASK LYNN TO CONTINUE.

THE GNOMES DROP THE BOX IN A CORNER OF THE ROOM AND CLIMB ALL OVER IT, RIPPING IT APART. THEY REVEAL A LARGE BEANBAG.
THE GNOMES LEAVE, TO THE NORTHEAST.
LYNN'S GREY EYES REFOCUS.

JODIE FOSTER IS KNEELING ON THE CARPET, HER SWEATSUIT COVERED IN GRASS STAINS.
  "HONK, I er, um okay, what the HELL is GOING ON?"
24-HOUR-DAVE FAINTS.

](heh) SAY TO LYNN: "So, do you like light or dark meat?" EXAMINE TOOTHBRUSH.

LYNN SHAKES HER HEAD. "I don't follow you...? Deliberately."
THE TOOTHBRUSH IS MADE OUT OF PURPLE PLASTIC AND APPEARS WELL-USED.
JODIE FOSTER STANDS UP, AND BRUSHES HERSELF OFF.
JODIE FOSTER SAYS "I don't suppose either of you can send me back wherever I came from, before this? Honk? Maybe?"

]POINT BEHIND JODIE, SHOUT "Look! A whirling vortex!" TO LYNN: "There is no toothbrush. You mind only wraps the bacon around the shape of a toothbrush."

JODIE FOSTER TURNS AROUND. "I don't see..."
JODIE FOSTER TRIPS OVER 24-HOUR-DAVE, AND FALLS HEADFIRST INTO THE HOLE BURNED BY THE TYPEWRITER.

JODIE FOSTER VANISHES INTO A SWIRLING BLACK-AND-BLUE VORTEX.
LYNN LEAPS ONTO THE BEANBAG, AND LAUGHS. "The bacon! Heh. You're nice when you're not trying to kill me. That's a good thing."
24-HOUR-DAVE WAKES UP.

]SAY TO DAVE: "Hey, Jodie went away, sorry bro. I think some guys stole your thesis too, they were running back out to the garden." SAY TO LYNN: "R0x." EXUDE PHEROMONES.

24-HOUR-DAVE SCOWLS.
  "Fuckers always me after me lucky thesis. Whatever. " HE SMACKS HIS LEATHER JACKET, AND SEVERAL XEROXED PAPERS FALL TO THE FLOOR.

HE NOTICES THE BLOODY SHREDDED CORPSE OF ZOG.
  "Daaayum. STYLE."

PHEROMONE PRODUCTION AT FULL. LYNN LEANS THE BACK OF HER HEAD ON ONE HAND, AND APPEARS TO SCRUTINIZE THE CEILING.
  "So, where did you learn?"

]SAY TO DAVE: "Hey, would ya mind getting us some doughnuts?" SAY TO LYNN: "Oh, here and there. Mostly from Shunr'ryn T'ksla, in his fourth ascension."

24-HOUR-DAVE SALUTES, TURNS AROUND, AND TRIPS OVER THE HOLE IN THE SOUTHERN WALL. HE FALLS ON HIS FACE.
24-HOUR-DAVE IS FAST ASLEEP.

LYNN APPEARS TO BE SURROUNDED BY A SOFT YELLOW GLOW. "Wow. Good credentials. I learned on camping trips. Lots of camping trips."
THE ZOG CORPSE IS BEGINNING TO STINK.

THE PHONE RINGS

]SQUIRT SCREEN-CLEANING FLUID OVER ZOG CORPSE. SAY TO LYNN: "Scuse me a sec here," GRIN MANIACALLY. ANSWER PHONE.

THE SCREEN CLEANING FLUID SIZZLES ON THE CORPSE. THE ROOM IS PUNGENT WITH THE SMELL OF EVAPORATING ALCOHOL.
LYNN PULLS HER LEGS UNDER HER TO A HALF-LOTUS.
  "Of course!"

LYNN GRINS BACK.
THE PHONE BEEPS IN YOU EAR. "Hey, uh, anyway. Yeah, this is Garote. I was gonna say, it's fucking late and I'm tired. But now I also need to ask you why the hell Jodie Foster is in my bathroom. Oh, and the RIAA is on the other line. Is that your doing, too?"

]SAY TO GROTE: "The hell? Who is this?! Jodie Foster? Deal with it bro. RIAA, I was out of town when that shit went down." HANG UP.

GAROTE STARTS LAUGHING VERY HARD, BUT YOU HANG UP ON HIM.
LYNN LOOKS AT YOU WITH HALF-LIDDED EYES.
"The world is coming to an end."

](dammit) CURSE GROTE FOR BEING SUCH A WUSS-ASS. GET MY SPIRITUAL MACK ON WITH LYNN.

YOU BEGIN TO APPROACH LYNN. SHE HOLDS UP HER HAND, PALM FORWARD.

AS YOU GET CLOSER, YOU FIND YOURSELF RELAXING INEXORABLY TOWARDS THE FLOOR. YOUR HEADACHE DISSOLVES. YOU ARE SLOWLY CRAWLING ON ALL FOURS.

YOUR BENT HEAD COMES TO A REST AGAINST THE FLAT OF LYNN'S HAND. LYNN'S EYES REFOCUS. THE WORLD ENDS.

         <> <> <> GAME OVER <> <> <>

THE PHONE RINGS

]FUMBLE FOR PHONE. GROGGILY ANSWER.

"Hey, I know this sounds crazy, but this is Jodie Foster. I'm calling from some guy's house, I think his name is Garote. He told me you could explain everything."

]SAY TO JODIE: "Wazzut? Grodie? Uhhh... this isn't the fish factory, I think you got the wrong number."

"Oh great. This ... this sucks. Shit."
YOU HEAR A NOISE LIKE GAROTE READYING A GIGANTIC NET.

]SAY TO JODIE: "JODIE! LOOOOOOK OOOOOOOOOUUUUT!!!!" SCREAM INCOHERENTLY.

YOU HEAR A NOISE LIKE A PHONE BEING DROPPED.
YOU HEAR JODIE FOSTER YELLING "Oh come on, that's really just not--"
YOU HEAR THE SOUND OF FURNITURE BEING OVERTURNED.
THE LINE GOES DEAD.

YOU HAVE SCORED 679 OUT OF A POSSIBLE 768.
TRY AGAIN NEXT TIME, GODDAMIT.

](hey not bad!)

YUP.
PARSER SHUTDOWN INITIATED.

]you wuss.

SEIZE THE BACON

]salt the goose. and stuff.

THERE IS NO BACON THERE IS ONLY ZOOL
/ME SLEEPS