By Phil Photon

Q: Ah, hello, double-oh-seven, we've been working on some new devices for your next mission.
JAMES: Mmmm, yes, actually, I've been meaning to talk to you abou--
Q: This bikini bottom, for example, is actually filled with a cyanide dispersal system! You simply wedgie yourself like so-- [HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS]
Q: Oh, yes, I'm sorry, I nearly forgot! Here, 007-- partical filtration noseplugs. Let me help you put them in...
Q: There, how's that?
JIMBO: NI'm nine, nank nou.
Q: Well, that's about enough of this, I think... (RIP) There we are, clean air. End of the swimsuit, though, I'm afraid.
JIMBOB: (Removing noseplugs) Q, I've really--
Q: And here, some new footwear for you. Try these on for size. (Hands BOOTS to JAMES)
JIMINY: Nice fit, actually; Q, in all seriousne--
Q: And look here: (pulls out ZIPPO, lights BOOTLACES, which start to burn, then turns away and starts walking towards the car) DETCORD laces, connected to 25 grams of PETN high-explosive in the soles--
JAMESTOWN: AAAACK!!! (scrabbles at boots)
Q: --and a small fire supressant cartridge in the tounge.
JACK: (Squishes boot tongue a couple of times; white foam sprays and stops laces from burning) (*sigh*)
Q: Now, 007, your new car.
JACK: Hmmm? Oh, yes, where is the new car?
Q: (pulling curtain aside) Right here. Our own special Dodge Aries K and Pinto hatchback hybrid. 92 horsepower, top speed sixty miles per hour, capable of accelerating 0 to 60 in 10.5 seconds, balsa wood roll cage--
JAMES: Did you say sixty miles per hour?
Q: And here-- hidden in the dashboard, a self-destruct mechanism.
JAMES: Explosive charge?
Q: No, a springloaded hammer behind the gas tank, just in front of the rear bumper.
JAMES: Air bags?
Q: Yes, the rear passengers should be quite well protected.
JAMES: Rear passen-- what about weaponry?
Q: Ah, yes. You see this blue knob here? This is linked to an electromagnetic pulse cannon, located just behind your battery, in front of the fuse panel.
Q: And now, double-oh-seven, the last item on our list-- a vodka martini; shaken, not stirred.
JAMES: (eyeing it carefully) What's this for?
Q: Why, for when you go and talk to M, of course-- you're going to need it.

Alternate ending:

Q: And now 007, the final feature of your new car. This button does a s-


007: Aaaaaaarrrrr....
Q: ...Oh blast. I've lost him again