22:40:00 4/27/96


(Straightens and looks at it's reflection.)
Pride: What a good body! Look at the definition of the muscle in the thigh!
Wistful romance: If only there were someone I could give it to.
Cynicism: You don't want to give it to somebody. You want to use it to get somebody.
Indigence: Well, what's the difference?
Generalizing: Just working to keep you honest.
Ire: I donít care about my honesty. This is just what I want.
Condescension: You've been wrong before. Look to her.
Resentment: There was no possible way I could have known!
Assured: So there's no way you can discount my council.
Annoyance: It doesnít mean I have to like it, or even listen to it.
Aloof: Then you will continue to be wrong.
Exasperated: Well at least I'm trying!!
Approval: And getting better at it too. Your life may find purpose yet.
Doubt: I still don't know why I even need anybody to complete my life.
Reminder: You've thought that through before. You can't explain the change, but now you can't deny your needs.
Reminiscing: If only I could have stayed that way. Itís as if she broke a perfect reality I was in.
Caution: It was a dream, you know it.
Petulant: Yes. I guess I know it. But why do I have to feel this terrible need?
Logic: It's hardwired. You're a human and have animal roots. You look to a mate.
Irritation: There's not a day I donít question my motives. They don't make sense!
Questing: To whom? To society? Feminism? Patriarchy? Capitalism? Why should it matter?
Insisting: I can't stop trying to figure it out. I must know to understand. I feel incomplete without knowing.
Conclusion: No, you just feel incomplete. That's what's bugging you.
Fragmented: But is it really a perfect state? Can't I assure myself? Can't I stop the nervousness?
Disappointment: You've tried. Sometimes you forget, but it never stays away.
Note: I look at him, or her, and I see nothing. I look at her however, and I see completion.
Egging: And?
Terror: And I can't explain why!! I hate it!!
Rationalizing: It must be tied in to your past. Some image you identify with the mate.
Grasping: Do I just want what I cannot have? What I am never able to properly receive?
Alarmed: Do you resign yourself to following a dead end?
Sadness: I wish I knew, I wish I knew...
Reassurance: Well, keep trying to find it, regardless, O.K.?
Resignation: Okay.