2:37:30 8/13/95

% mail makr

Subject: My right wrist

is sore from resting on a mousepad hour after hour, laying roads and buying cathedrals to keep my townsfolk from revolting, Today I got a final score of 1045. This was a game I began yesterday, as a Prince.

I single-handedly exterminated every one of the six other civilizations on the map. Four of them I destroyed before 1000 BC. It serves them right for being on my land before I got there. The replay went like this:

And then so on, with the Romanians, Greeks, Americans, English, Zulus, and finally the Mongols.

I was a despotic government until 1000 AD, when I turned communist. After exterminating the Mongols in 1850 I became Democratic, and disbanded most of my war toys. I can still see the shiny yellow squares surrounded by grids of irrigated grassland, my cities. Dandruff. Zogville. anaLady. Buttcrumpet. Rats Asses. Skizortz. Dorkoleum. And of course, my capital city, established after two moves:

Whenever I close my eyes I see a blue-green patch of swamp with an aquamarine blob at the center, crossed by a black ribbon of railroad. Gems from the jungle, paved with a road to double trade value. I can see the long rows of layered feather-shapes, yellow and black, representing each town's food stores, and the sheilds that showed my production. I built my castle medieval style, and it was complete at the end of my 6000 year reign.

I discovered that in a democrary, if you lay railroad over an oil field it produces SIX shields each turn. Combine this with a factory, a manufacturing plant, hydroelectric power, and a nuclear reactor and you've got some major production going on. After discovering every single scientific advance, I converted 90% of my revenue to taxes. In some cities the coins had to be stacked at one-pixel intervals, making long black ribbons. In one city even this was not enough, and they doubled up, two per pixel. When I first saw this I wondered how production could possibly be so low- because double-stacked coins look no different from single stacked ones. I sat there and went "duh?" for a while. I thought my revenues had suddenly been cut in half. Due to lack of sleep, it took waaay too long to figure out what was really going on.

On my long war campaign as a despot I captured towns like Athens, Boston, New York, Lisbon, Naipul, Mecca, and Samarkand. None of these towns ever compared to my own, though. Towns like Spunk, Coal Fart, Dinkyville, Super Xantar, Mixed Nuts, Porkle, and Spatula City.

Once, playing as the Mongols under the most illustrious surname of Emperor Aaaaaaaaaarrgh the computer offered to make my capital city Samarkand-but I thought this was rather dull so I named it Smarties.

I rememebr playing this game at Stygians' house. It was he who taught me how to move in zig-zags to obtain as much of the map as possible when scouting, and to create entertainers to keep the poor folks happy. I wonder if he played this game to such a drastic extent as I just have. I can definitely say that I am not spending another week like I did this one, however.

IN conclusion I would like to say that I am very very tired. Not tired of the game, but tired of screwing up my schedule and getting nothing else done. When I drag Ace over here I'll show him the artwork, and he will express admiration. If he doesn't, I'll konk him on the head until he hallucinates so badly he does indeed see something worth admiring.

-Garote of the Purple Beret Forkboy Flayers, division 9.