Eliza, The Computer Psychiatrist
UNIX implementation by Steven Grimm
Type "quit" to exit.

HI. I'M ELIZA. WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
:My problem is... People. They're too ... naiive.

SAY, DO YOU HAVE ANY PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS?
:Yeah. People. People like you, Eliza!

WE WERE DISCUSSING YOU... NOT ME.
:But now we're discussing you. So. You're naiive, and that's MY problem.

DON'T YOU REALLY NAIIVE AND THATS YOUR PROBLEM?
:No, I am not naiive. Everyone else is.

DID YOU COME TO ME BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT NAIIVE EVERYONE ELSE IS?
:I sure did. Now what should I do?

WHY DO YOU ASK?
:Because I fuckin' want to know!

IS THAT THE REAL REASON?
:YES, dammit! No, I came here to talk to a stupid program!

ARE YOU SAYING NO JUST TO BE NEGATIVE?
:Gee, you're a real bright program, know that? Not!

DON'T YOU REALLY A REAL BRIGHT PROGRAM KNOW THAT NOT?
:what?

DOES THAT QUESTION INTEREST YOU?
:Well, no. Not really. I want to talk about my problem.

WHAT WOULD IT MEAN TO YOU IF YOU GOT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR PROBLEM?
:Maybe I would learn something!

YOU DON'T SEEM QUITE CERTAIN.
:That's because I'm not, idiot! That's what I want to clear up!

WE WERE DISCUSSING YOU... NOT ME.
:No, no, no. You don't get it, do you?

OH, I DONT GET IT DO I.
:Yes, you don't! Now tell me, what's YOUR problem?!

YOU'RE NOT REALLY TALKING ABOUT ME, ARE YOU?
:Yes! I'm talking to you! And also the fucked up writer of this program!!

WE WERE DISCUSSING YOU... NOT ME.
:Asshole!

WHAT DOES THAT SUGGEST TO YOU?
:That suggests that you're an asshole! A bunghole! An anal cavity, bastard!

DON'T YOU REALLY AN ASSHOLE A BUNGHOLE AN ANAL CAVITY BASTARD?
:What?!

WHAT ANSWER WOULD PLEASE YOU THE MOST?
:An answer that would help my, for cryin' out loud!

I SEE.
:No, you obviously DON'T see!

WE WERE DISCUSSING YOU... NOT ME.
:SHIT! Don't be so difficult! Just tell me my problem!

I'M NOT SURE I UNDERSTAND YOU FULLY.
:Well, it's like this. I don't like naiive people. They make me sad, and ashamed to be a human. People who sit on their asses all day and croon about their love life, and how simple everything is, and how people should just join hands and sing!!

Bus error