Message #220,501 from Shaft at 10:34:40 PM, Sat, 4-5-93
 I picked up "Crusin" by the Village people on vinyl today. Excellent. Got a story the other day while talking to Jack. You see there's this club of elite personages in Boulder Creek. The BOULDER CREEK DEFENDERS. They all have large tractor-like equipment pieces that change into robots like transformers. Together they form one huge robot, REDNECKTACON! There's chaw bot, and beeracon, and really bad grain alchohol kid, and crazy stain. And their leader, my dad. Only sometimes they can't form the really big robot because one or more of their members are fucked out of their minds and can't move. I think it could be a movie of the week...

Message #228,524 from Shaft at 11:56:39 PM, Sat, 5-15-93
 I saw this stupid fucking commercial on t.v. the other day. The one with the small children on the pee-wee baseball team who have a bad day until mommy brings in polaroid party film, and then they all have these shit eating grins. I can't stand cutsey little children scenes, in anything. I just then pictured Armand Assante coming out of the dugout wearing a long black trenchcoat and dark sunglasses. He pulls out a sawed off shotgun and grabs this little fat fucker and says, "Get down on the ground and if you use the last picture in that roll of film I kill the fat fuck here!" Just then in slow motion you hear the obnoxious mommy with the film gasp in terror as the snap she just took of the gunman slides out of the camera. Armand pushes the little shit down and blows his head clean off. Funniest thing I have ever heard of. Picturing it, I just could not stop laughing. Imagine seeing that on national t.v. "Polaroid film, always have a spare roll handy"....