hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hatehatehate hate hate hate hate hate
hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate
this fucking country. I hate every square fucking inch of it. I hate all the bastarding little fuckers who walk upon the face of our land. I hate the fuckers who killed off the buffalo. I hate the fuckers who killed off the natives. I hate the fuckers who built our cities and fought all those wars. I hate the fuckers who engendered me. "Cursed progenitor!" I hate the fuckers who wish to end my life, who wish to see me just as another one of their fucking pawns in their fucking blood power game, refusing to see me as an individual, a creative individual, refusing to see you as a creative individual, refusing to see any of us as creative individuals, just seeing us as a bunch of fucking killing machines capable of no thought and willing to wage unjust wars for no reason. I hate the goddamn bleeding goddamn bleeding fucking assholes who set up this fucking racist, sexist, bloodthirsty country populated with fools and morons and idiots and fuckers, ever so many fuckers, engendering and engendering us all unto our deaths. I HATE THIS COUNTRY. FOOLS surround me even in SANTA CRUZ. Assholes who think I'd be better off in the military than writing a book or composing music, i.e. making their PATHETIC FUCKING MEANINGLESS LIVES worth living, by infusing it with some kind of fucking MEANING that it probably doesn't have in the FIRST PLACE.
Why do we live in a society which worships blood, macho men and impossibly gorgeous women? Why? What the fuck has been going on all these years before I was born? What the HELL were my fucking parents THINKING when they decided to have me? Couldn't they have had some fucking common decency and NOT BROUGHT ME INTO THE WORLD? I don't need this bullshit. I don't need to be shot for some worthless pathetic cause in some trivial war over material concerns I have no hope in the world of accessing! Imagine how many Kafkas, Woolfs, Joyces, Tans, Homers, et. al have been killed for NO FUCKING REASON AT ALL except that their fucking leader told them to DIE?? Why? Why have our great artists, the ones who are obviously the shining lights of humanity, the ones we are told on one hand have acheived the greatest that humanity is capable of, yet their entire lives they must scrape and struggle because the rest of the world says "NO" you shouldn't DO THAT. You shouldn't be a writer, you should be a PLUMBER! (Nothing against plumbers) You shouldn't be a musician and uplift people. You should be a SOLDIER instead and put on a stupid green uniform and KILL PEOPLE! That's it! BRING MORE FUCKING DEATH INTO A DEATH-RIDDEN WORLD, A WORLD CRAWLING WITH MAGGOTS CHEWING OUT THE CORPSES OF THE DEAD.
Where'd all these goddamn supermodels come from? What's wrong with this goddamn country? Why can't we just be satisfied with the average body? Beyond that, why are we so fucking obsessed with BODIES in the first place? What ever happened to the goddamn fucking HUMAN BEING who isn't just a body but an integrated unit? I have nothing against beauty, but for god's sake... most people are ugly fuckers. What's wrong with ugly people? Physically ugly people are not repulsive. They're nonconformists.
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I don't need to take this bullshit. I hate this country. I can't live in the land of idiots any longer. I simply... can't... do it. If I have to live in this country for five more years I'll commit suicide. It's that simple. The city of Berlin spends ten times the amount, in American dollars, of our late National Endowment for the Arts, on the arts, JUST IN THEIR CITY. Not Germany, mind you. THE FUCKING CITY !!!!
I HATE THIS COUNTRY. Anyplace that can produce rap and country music, not to mention ABC, NBC, FOX, CBS, etc. needs to be vacated, quick. For every good thing that this country has produced (PBS, for instance, along the same lines as above) I can show you truckloads and truckloads of junk that spewed out of our collective ass in just the past few weeks.
Our fucking "intellectual tradition" ended with John Dewey. Gee, how wonderful: from Tom Paine to Thomas Jefferson to John Dewey to... Rush Limbaugh. I feel so goddamn PROUD to be living in the United States in the late twentieth century. With such a brilliant philosopher as RUSH LIMBAUGH guiding the helm, how can we go wrong? (retch retch retch retch retch)
Argh. Aaaaaaack! Grrr. Pound pound pound pound pound pound pound
aslkjdljaslkdjalskdjlkasjdlkjasdkjoqiwueoiqwueoiuqweqnjlkalkjcaklj asdkjfhklasdfkjsladkjfsadljgfewuiywuqriuqtwuitauiyiuyauitaUYAUYUIASYUIUYa shafusdkjhsklaskjhfskdlkjcahkjdsalkjhksdalfkjhfiuiuwqbeqwbekjlakjhsjkafusksdf uqiuwyeuiqwiuewqeahdashate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate dort drueben finde ich das. Hmm? Was sagen Sie? Ich habe das nicht gehoert. Langsam, bitte.
Ich bin in Deutcsh nicht sehr gut, und ich muss ubungen. Wenn ich daraeuber bin, dann gibt es keine Problem. Ich kann seiner Sprache sprechen, darin ich wird vielliecht eine echte Deutscher.
I've cooled down considerably since I started writing this a while ago. I still hate it here. Quite a bit. I wouldn't mind joining the Swiss Army. They're totally pacifist and can kick anyone's ass on a dime. They realize that most wars are plain old bullshit, a MESSAGE the FUCKING IDIOTS over here don't seem to get. If I don't get my ass to Europe or Mexico in the next few years I'm going to be dead. I can't live here without losing my mind. I must escape this... stifling... fundamentalist setting. For every church of the subgenius there are the total number of insane world religions multiplied by three (The obscure cult factor). And they all want me to die. Life is everything. Death is nothing. The world's religions, the United States military, and my whole family and their friends and their friends and their friends want us to trade everything for nothing. FUCK that. I'd sooner shoot myself than be forced to turn a gun on someone else, no matter how foreign they are to me.
This country drove god knows how many people to suicide with it's plain blind stupidity and insensitivity. Dorothy Parker, Ernest Hemingway, Jack Kerouac (unintentional suicide, drank himself to death) etc etc etc and god knows how many other millions of lesser geniuses, and plain ordinary people. Charlie Parker died an early death because he was addicted to a substance known as heroin, illegal for him (mainly for black people, are drugs illegal, it seems), which he used to escape the pain of living in a stupid, idiotic, moronic racist fucking country which can't appreciate a good thing when it has one. John Coltrane drank himself to death (cirrohsis of the liver). Miles Davis died of diabetes complications arising from his early heroin use, which he used for much the same reasons. The only people who've made it through life with their sanity intact have been those who became intensly spiritual at the end of their lives. Like Dizzy Gillespie, for instance, or Milt Jackson, who's still alive.
I can't stand it here. Yes, I know. Most countries are more of the same basic bullshit, just different people and languages. Well, I won't know the language as well, and will be able to afford my happiness in my ignorance of the STUPID FUCKING WORLD I DIDN'T ASK TO BE BROUGHT INTO.
Argh. In case you're wondering what brought this on, here
goes: I show up at home tonight, happy as can be, planning in
my head what I'm going to write tomorrow, musically speaking.
As I cart my junk in, I see a letter addressed to me from the
selective service system. If I don't register in ten days I'm
subject to prosecution. I'm sending a Freedom of Information act
bundle at them. Tell me how I can become a conscientous objector,
what other exemptions are there besides the ones on your
card, etc. But, of course, if we were living in a free country,
none of this would be neccessary. that's why I can't stand living
in this FUCKING