Note: This HAG is based very heavily on the first months of Ace's year-long foray into Japan as an exchange student. Perhaps you other exchange students out there can relate to these hair-raising incidents.
In the HAG, Ace is the host and Garote is the player.


Initializing variables.
Setting up inventory.
(accesing wax drum?)

JAPAN HAG v0.000000001 tm Ace Productions 1994.3.21

Welcome! Happy day with smiling heart and flower!
You wake up.


You see a bizzare floral pattern above you. From somewhere below you you can hear crazed screams in japanese. They seem to be directed at you.


You are carrying:

]get out of bed?

You stumble to your feet, and hop off the bed.

This is a small room about 10x10 feet. There is a bed against one wall.
A desk covered with letters and photos is here. A dresser is here.
There is a radio, failing to play music here. There is a school uniform and bag hung on a rack here.
The screams intensify.

]get uniform


]get radio

The radio is rather large and difficult to take as it is plugged into the wall.

]get photos

You mess with the transparent desk blotter and finally get all the photos. There are lots of them. The screams intensify.

]put on uniform

The uniform is rather uncomfortable. The screams stop.

]take off uniform

You begin to remove the uniform. Large, heavy pounding noises can be heard coming from below your room. They are getting nearer.

]hide under bed

You attempt to scramble under the bed, and just barely fit in.
The door flies open. From under the bed you can see two red scaley ankles enter the room. A long forked tail drags on the ground, scraping the carpet.
A furious torrent of Japanese enters your ears. You are unable to understand most of it.
But it sounds very angry.

]look at photos for comfort and ideas

Some of the photos depict scenes from America, which could comfort you, but it is too dark under the bed to see them very well. Suddenly the bed is removed from over your body, and you stare up in horror at Mrs. SATAN.
She is Extremely Pissed Off. This is normal. She jabbers at you in an unfriendly way.

](egh) jump up. salute. put uniform back on.

You jump up. Mrs. SATAN seems undisturbed by your nakedness. She continues to jabber angrily as you fumble the uniform back on. It is uncomfortable.

]look for exits

There are windows above the desk, and behind you (above where the bed used to be). There is a door leading to a hallway behind Mrs. SATAN.

]scamper between Mr.SATANs legs, through door.

She brandishes the bed at you.
She expects some kind of explanation for your not being awake, dressed, and downstairs eating promtly at 6:30.

]jabber in english, very very fast, the lyrics to Weird Als' Eat It. Go door.

Go Door? You aren't Japanese!
She ignores your English jabbering, and shoves the bed past you back to where it was previously resting. You manage to slip past her into the hallway.

This narrow hallway runs about 6 feet. There are doors at both ends, one of which you have just come through. There is a window halfway down on the left side and a sliding paper door on the right. There are steep stairs heading down just to your right.

]look around paper door.

You walk to the paper door, and begin to look around when Mrs SATAN leaps from your room, and throws your school bag at you. It narrowly misses.
She screams some more and gestures downstairs.

]get school bag. look in bag.

Taken. The bag (when opened) shows:

]stick toungue out at mrs.SATAN. RUN downstairs.

You stick your tounge out, and run. Angry screams are cut short when you knock your head on the overhanging wall above the stairs and fall unconcious.

soft angry jabberings are all around you.

]open eyes

You open your eyes to see Mr and Mrs SATAN standing above you. Your head hurts very, very much. You are picked up by the shoulders of your school uniform and bodily pushed towards the front door.



This is the entry hall of the house. There are many, many, many pairs of shoes here. There is a smelly dog chained up here. Behind you (you are facing the shoes/door) is a stairway going up and possibly some more interesting things. There are also two demons from hell behind you shoving you outside.

]grab many shoes. I.

You manage to grab both your pairs of shoes. (white and black)
You are in possesion of:

]jabber angrily at nothing in particular. Go through front door.

You jabber and start through the door, but the demons make VERY loud noises and point at your feet, then the shoes, then back at your feet. The dog strains at it's chain, trying to bite you.

]put on white shoes. Throw black shoes at demons. RUN out door.

Worn. You toss the black shoes behind you and streak out the door, only getting slightly dirty when the dog scrapes its paws against your pants.

There is a path which bends from the entry hall to the front gate.
There are several tall skinny trees of Japanese origin here. There are a few big, hairy bugs flying around here. It is mildly cool and a soft breeze is blowing.

]put photos in school bag. Get out pencil.

Done. You grab a nice shiny blue Hello Kitty pencil. The demons are starting to yell at you again.

]Wield pencil like weapon. Quote Wierd Al, very loudly. Run down path.

You point the pencil at them as if it is a butcher knife. After a second's thought you realize even a butcher knife wouldn't be able to penatrate the scaly hide of the demons. You say "I wanna new duck" and scramble towards the gate.

The path goes down two steps into a small wooden gate latched closed.
There is a mail thingy here, empty.

]Kick open gate. Kick mail thingy. Go past gate.

The gate, while made of wood, is very sturdy. Your foot enclosed in white shoe is not enough to break it down. The mail thingy is at about chest level, but you manage a decent Bruce Lee kick at it. No effect.
You try to go past the gate but it is still closed.

]jump over gate

You hop back up the two stairs and do a short leap over the wall next to the gate. (sorry, the descriptions would be REALLY long if I told you everything)

You are standing outside 9-3 on a black asphalt street about 8 feet wide. The street is bordered by houses of fairly large size (for Japan) as far as you can see, which isn't too far, as the street curves around in both directions pretty quick.

]Run up street, along sidewalk, flailing with pencil.

There is no sidewalk to run up. There is only 8 feet of asphalt and some old decrepit stone slabs on either side which smell funny. You decide to run up these, as they are in the place where a sidewalk would be.
You flail about.

]Flail about more! Look for something besides asphalt and smelly concrete.

After running and flailing for a bit, you pass some barking dogs, a rooster, some ivy, many hairy bugs, and a little frog that goes "meep".
You also pass a wide stone staircase going down. Eventually you come to a 3 way intersection.

]look up and down intersection for interesting things.

There are very few interesting things here. No cars. No people. Only big hairy bugs. Across the street is a large apartment complex. To the right is your bus stop.

]Look for people at bus stop.

You trot over to the bus stop, still flailing your pencil.

There is a line of people here about 500 feet long. Also since this is on a major road there are cars coming and going at about 80 miles per hour. (gee, sudden change huh) There is still no sidewalk.

]Look for spiffy people in line.

Exactly one half of the people are students in uniforms similar to yours. Half of the rest of them are business men in suits. The rest are old ladies.

]Look for cute female students.

There is one.

]Walk up to cute female student. Talk about the weather in Japanese.

It would be extremely dangerous to walk up to her, as it would involve stepping into the path of many cars.

]look for crosswalk

There is, in fact, a crosswalk here.

]Attempt to cross street at crosswalk.

You wait about 3 minutes, during which each business man smokes 6 cigs.
The lights change and you are able to cross.

]walk up to cute female student. Try to inquire about weather.

Okay. You butt into line in back of the cute female student. A car nearly misses you.
You say "Konnichiwa! Kyou tenki ii desu ne!" (Good day! Today weather good!) She turns around and looks at you. She is stunningly beautiful, if only around 15. "Anta daaare?" (who are you?)

]Say: "I'm Fred Estaire. You may have heard of me."

She probably has but she fails to understand your pronouciation of "Fred Estaire"... She says "nanka hen na koto sunjyaneeya!" (don't try anthing funny bub!) Several people around you are becoming uneasy.

]say: "You are stunningly beautiful, for such a mature age!"

You manage to mangle this into (You very pretty, but old!) She turns away.
The bus is coming.

]look bus.

The BUS is a bit smaller than your average American bus. It is white and and blue, with a vertically revolving sign on the front of it telling the destinations in kanji. You can't read it. But it also says "59" on it.
It's also the ONLY bus that comes to this stop. The inside of the bus is a big black squishy mass.

]Wait for torture of bus, like mindless sheep.

You loll your eyes/tounge/pencil for a second untill the bus comes to a stop. Instantly the line of 500 people plunges onto the bus.

You cannot see. You cannot move.

]feel around with hands.

You manage to reach your thigh. It is getting sweaty. You glimpse the cute 15-year old about 2 feet away.

]spit on arms as lubricant. Try to reach shoulder of 15-year old female.

You try to spit on your arms but you cannot see them. There are other people's body parts in the way. You instead spit on the head of a junior high student.
He looks up and grins. He knows you will never be able to move!

]try to kick 15-year old female

You kick something, but you dont know what. You can't hear any kind of yelp or scream over the 1000 people jabbering at each other about homework, coffee, and bad movies in the bus.
It is getting kind of hot. The bus is jerking about a lot as it travels down the road.

]kick very hard, as much as possible.

You do an imitation of John Travolta. Disco Fever. Someone actually moves.
You still cannot see your arms or legs.
The bus stops and picks up more people.

]Stab out with pencil, randomly.

You make the pencil into a death weapon. You stab as hard as you can in front of you. Your arm moves about 2 inches. The high pitched bus recording is audible over the jabbering. It says not to forget any belongings when you get off the bus.

]Stab with pencil, towards 15-year old female. Try to work arm over to her.

You manage to dislocate your shoulder. It is uncomforable inside the hot sweaty uniform. The bus jerks about more than usual and your arm ends up a bit nearer the 15-year old.

]Try to judge distance between hand and 15-year-old female

It might be about a foot, but you're not sure. You can see only writhing babbling Japanese.
The bus stops again and picks up a few more. You are shoved backtowards the back of the bus a bit, and get closer to the girl.

]try to reach out to tap shoulder of girl

Your arm hurts. Someone is stepping on your school bag. The bus jerks around.
You feel mildy nauseous. Your arm plunges inbetween something.

]Try to feel around and identify object. Try to reclaim schoolbag!!

Your hand is trapped inbetween two Japanese. Neither of them is the cute 15 year old. An old woman is drooling on your back. The school bag's strap is still in your left hand.

]Try to duck down to feet-level.

This is an impossibilty.

]Try to wrench arm free. Kick behind, really hard, in attempt to hit old lady.

Your arm is stuck between a business man's back and an ugly woman's neck. You kick backwards (attempt to anyway) and the old woman elbows you in the ribs. The bus jerks about a bit and stops again. You think you're about half-way to school. Some more people get on, cramming you back another 2 inches.

]Stab ugly woman's neck with pencil and try to dislodge hand.

You twist your wrist so as to stab the ugly woman. The point of the pencil begins to poke into her neck. She looks at you. She is extremely ugly. Your hand will not dislodge.

]Poke ugly woman in ear with pencil. Quote Wierd Al at her, VERY loudly.

You try to move the pencil up to her ear but drop it. You SCREAM "NATURE TRAIL TO HELLLLLL!" She spasms back about half an inch and your arm comes free. The bus is jumping up and down now.

]Try once again to tap 15-year-old on shoulder!!!

You must be going down the main road, the bus feels like it's on a trampoline. Your bag keeps you weighted down. Some of the Japanese seem to get a lot taller. The business man is now trying to make his way to the front of the bus. He is having a hard time of it though, Japanese or not.

]Laugh very hard at businessman. Try to move closer to girl in the shuffle.

You laugh, the bus jerks around, and the business man moves about 6 feet. Wow. Maybe being Japanese does help. You pop next to the girl.

]look at girl, closely.

You look down into her hair.

]Try to tap girl on shoulder.

This is a bit easier now. You manage to tap her on the sholder and her head moves about a lot, making your eyes itchy.

]Say (in japanese) "Up here! Look up!"

She hears you and looks up. Her beautifully shaped nose presses against your chin. She is startled.
Your handbag must be mushed flat by now.

]Ask (in japanese) "What's your name?"

She realizes that you are the pervert from the bus line. "mata antakayo. nani o yatternda. konna tokoro de hen na koto shitara korosuwa!" (You again? What are you doing? Try something perverted in here and I'll kill you!)
The bus stops again, drops off 3 or 4 people, and picks up 30.

]Try to look innocent. Start rattling off random assembly language opcodes.

She interprets your innocent look as imagining perverted, twisted things.
When you open your mouth and begin to say "CLC XCE REP $30 WDM $69" she has moved away. You don't know how.

]Spit at girl. "trhbplbplbptt!!"

You spit at her but miss. Your spit goes into the black mass. (trhbplbplbptt!!)
The buss jumps up again (it MUST be catching air, maybe 2 feet) and stops suddenly. Everyone smashes forwards. Your school bag is visible. It has a large footprint on it but is otherwise undamaged. Quite a few people get off the bus.

]Wonder if this is correct stop. Say "fuck it!" and try to wedge off bus.

Your stop is 4 stops later. If you start wedging now you might make it in time. Your words go unnoticed.
(wedge wedge) (no progress)

]wedge very hard. SCREAM Weird Al quotes at everyone, especially girl.

You yell at the top of your lungs: "That's right Al, you LOST! And let me tell you what you didn't win; (etc etc) AND you brought shame and disgrace on your family name for generations to come! (etc etc)" Somehow the Japanese seem to understand this last part and several of them look at you. Maybe it's just because you're being very loud. The girl does NOT look at you. She is up at the front of the bus now. It looks like she'll get off at the next stop.
(wedge wedge) (very little progress)

]try to incite revolution with harsh angry non-coherent shouts.

The Japanese on the bus have figured out by now that you are just another crazy gaijin and ignore you. The bus stops and the girl vansishes in a herd of 50 ugly female students. The bus roars off, leaving her behind. It is much less crowded now, perhaps only 300% maximum capacity.

]Wedge towards door. Look for other gaijin to socialize with.

You wedge. You get about half way down the bus. The bus stops again and lets more people off, making it easier. You can see down to your elbow almost.
There are no other gaijins to be seen.

]Wedge in great leaping strides. Scream "You'll all pay for your silliness!"

You wedge in small, forced, shoves instead. You scream but no one pays any attention. You are perhaps 6 feet from the front of the bus.

]continue shoving towards door. Look for objects to steal.

The bus stops again and 1 person (the drooling grandma) gets off. You shove your way up to the front of the bus. Your stop is next. You realize you need your bus pass.
The only objects around are Japanese, school uniforms, Japanese, school bags, Japanese, and more Japanese.

]Craftily open someone else's schoolbag.

That would require much more shoving and manipulating than you have time for.
The bus comes to a halt. You'd better get off.

]HUrl self at doors, shouting "It's ELVIS!! No! SATAN!!!"

Two other students get off before you. Each one shows a small card to the bus driver. You scream and hurl yourself at the doors. The bus driver attempts to shut them on you.

]Well- do I make it or not?!

(well not if you don't do something)

]Hurl self THROUGH doors!!

The hydraulic bus doors slam shut on your ankle. The bus begins to move.

]Attempt to chew own ankle off in instinctive self-defense.

The bus quickly gets up to 80 miles per hour and rips your little white tennie right off your foot. You lie on the asphalt. A car is coming.


(consider WHAT?)

]Never mind. Jump up out of way of car.

You jump up, covered with sweat and your arm hurting. You make it to the sidewalk (yes there is one now)... the car runs over your school bag.

]Get bag. Look inside bag.

You quickly snag the flattened bag from the street before another car hits it. Inside the bag is:

]get unbroken pencil from bag. Dust self off. Look for place to go.

You find an unbroken one with a brown, round, smiling cartoon figure on it. It is AnPanMan.
You dust yourself off. You look around.

This is a seven lane street. There are sidewalks, wide enough for two people to walk by maybe without touching each other. There are young trees planted every so far down the street. There are buildings and confusing looking alleyways on the non-busy street side of the sidewalk. About 2 blocks away is the intersection where you need to turn left to get to school.

]Walk down street towards intersection. Look for Hello Killy Motifs.

You walk a block, are almost hit by a car turning left. You see no Hello Killy Motifs. Eventually you reach the intersection.
(acessing dead brain cells)

This is an intersection where 3 lanes intersect 7 in a T-junction. Across from the 3 lanes is the CHA-LA Pachinko Palace. It glitters. To the left is a long long cracked sidewalk heading towards school. Many male students on bicyles are crossing the intersection randomly. Miraculously they don't get hit and die. Just hit.

]Look at CHA-LA Pachinko Palace. Walk with male students.

The CHA-LA Pachinko Palace is a 2 story building made mostly out of glass and chrome. Large Neon signs spell out CHA-LA PACHINKO! in various colors. Behind the glass you see rows and rows of Pachinko machines, with balding sweaty men in front of them. You turn left and walk. The male students ride thier bicycles much faster than you can walk.

]Look for anything female.

Some of the big, hairy bugs flying around could be female.

]Attempt to eat them while walking to school.

This could prove very unhealthy... but-
you walk along the sidewalk, while bicycles zip by you on either side. You keep your mouth open and aim for the big black hairy bugs. None of them fly directly in.

]Dang. Say "BUGS! Here I am, BUGS!" keep walking to school.

Apparently the bugs only fly in the faces of gaijins riding bicycles. You keep walking. Soon you cross a street and come to an Elementary school. The children are cleaning up the grounds. Some teachers are scraping dog doo-doo off the sidewalk and putting it into little plastic bags.

]Remove uniform.

You stand in only your underwear. All of the little idiot kids rush over to the fence and point at you, jabbering.

]Remove underwear. Take a shit on the sidewalk.

You remove your underwear. All of the children start giggling. The teachers look away in embarrassment. You start to shit. Soon there is a nice sized pile of shit on the sidewalk. The children stop laughing when the teacher tells them to go inside. Then the teacher comes over and hits you on the top of the head, speaking quickly.

]Don underwear+uniform, quick!!

You quickly pull your clothing back on. You forgot to wipe. The teacher looks angrily at you, but does nothing else.

]Keep walking, with shit-eating grin on face.

You continue down the sidewalk, leaving the poor elementary teacher to pick up your shit. He will be scarred for life, and probably will commit suicide.

]Look for school. Scratch butt visibly.

You pass the Elementary school. You pass the Junior High school. Kids watch you scratch your butt. You reach the High School, where the last of the bicyclists is rushing in.

]Look high school.

This is a 15 foot gap in a concrete wall. Through the gap you can see an asphalt area with a mid-sized brick planter ring with bushes and shrubs in it surrounding the school rock, which has the name of the school carved deeply into it. Behind the planter is the school building, standing three stories high. There is a teacher in front of the planter.

]look teacher.

He looks back! He stands about 5'5" and has black hair. He appears to be Japanese. He is wearing the traditional teacher garb, a dark suit and tie. He is making sure noone comes to school late.

]dive through enterance with great excitement. Dance rapidly in front of teacher

You dive onto asphalt. Ouch. You dance in front of the teacher, causing him to do a funky judo move on you. You are flat on your back looking at the sky. There are no clouds.

]Get up and grimace angrily at teacher. Say, "SATAN!" rapidly over and over

You get up and grimace. The teacher hits you. You say "SATAN!" over and over until you are bleeding. The teacher takes you to the nurses room.

There is a nurse here. There is a table, chair, scale, shelf, and slipper stand here.

]Look nurse.

The nurse looks to be in her mid forties, but is probably older. She is wearing white. Speckless white. She is holding a bandage to your bleeding head.

]Bleed all over speckless white. Ask, in Japanese, "who was it that hit me?"

You try to bleed on her but the bandage is in the way. :/ You say "dare ga watashi ustu ka" (who me hit?) She looks at you quizzically.

]Try again to ask "who was it that hit me?" attempt to remove bandage.

You say "watashi o dare ga utsu desu ka" (who will hit me?) She seems to understand. "Takayama sensei ga nagurimashita. Kekko chi ga deteirun desu yo. Naze baka no you ni dansu shitita no?" (Is was Mr. Takayama that hit you. Quite a lot of blood is coming out. Why were you dancing around like an idiot?) You try to remove the bandage but she has an iron grip on it.

]say in english: "In the name of justice!!". Sit back and dig it for awhile.

You say this. She doesn't get it. You dig it. She wants you to drink some
foul-looking liquid.

]Start to drink liquid, but make hurling motions. Spew liquid down uniform.

You do so, and get goopy brown crud all over your not-so-clean-anyway black uniform. She prompty wipes it up before a single drop can hit the floor. She says "Sonna ni ki ga waruku natteinaideshyou!" (You can't be feeling THAT bad, can you?) She seems worried.

]Say in Japanese: "Mr. Takayama dislodged all my internal doohickeys!"

You attempt to say this. (Mr Takayama, body-container bad made!)
The nurse looks at you like you are insane. She goes to rummage through the medicine chest.

]Take this opportinuty to escape from the room!!

Easily done.

This is a rather clean hallway with off white-blue walls and a speckled white/gray tiled floor. Your school slippers (someone must have put them on you) squeak on it. There are windows on the side of the hall opposite the door to the nurses room, looking onto a nicely kept Japanese garden. To the right the hallway bends to the right. To the left the hallway opens into outside.

]go into garden.

You walk to the left to go outside. This involves stepping off the tiled floor onto cement pavement where the hallway ends. As you do so a strange sensation comes over your body, as if something horrible is about to happen.
You turn right and right again into the garden.

A semicircle of hedges encloses two small stone benches and finely cut grass. There are more shrubs and things further on. There is no sound here whatsoever.

]hide under bench, waiting for bad thing to happen. Eat grass in meantime.

The bench is VERY small. perhaps 3 feet long, a foot wide, and 6 inches off the ground. You can't fit under it. You do pluck up some grass and much on it. Mmmm. Fresh. Nothing bad happens.

]Take off slippers. Eat slippers.

You remove the green-plastic school slippers and bite into one. It tastes horrible. Not Fresh.

]Stop eating slippers. Drop slippers. Stab slippers with pencil.

You drop the slippers. They plop onto the grass. You no longer are holding the AnPanMan pencil.

]Remove photos from bag and spread then in a large circle on the grass.

You no longer have your school bag.


You gasp in disbelief. Probably what happened is that when Mr Takayama laid you out flat earlier he also took you to the Students Entrance, changed your shoe for slippers, stuffed your bag somewhere, and then took you to the nurses room. After all, he couldn't let you inside the school with that dirty white tennie on!

]SCREAM in anguish over lost handbag. Dig franticly in dirt.

You scream in anguish. Anguished, you scream.
You dig frantically. Frantic, you dig. Your hands are dirty now.

]Dig until hole is large enough to sit in.

Hours pass. When your hole is about 5 inches deep a teacher comes and forcibly takes you to your classroom.
ROOM 2-4

This is a room about 20x30 feet, with 49 desks in it. There is a blackboard at either end, on the end near the door you have just been pulled through is a podium behind which stands Mrs Sheeit, your homeroom teacher. There is a student at every desk except the one in the far corner. There are windows across the whole of the far wall. The teacher who has ahold of your arm exchanges some words with Mrs Sheeit, during which time the 48 students laugh. Then he pushes you inside the room and leaves. Mrs Sheeit guestures towards your desk at the far corner.

]skip over to desk. Siddown. I.

You make your way peacefully to your desk, squeezing past fellow (?) students, including the lovely Junko. She smiles at you. You reach your desk and find your bag hanging from a hook on the side. Your hands are rather dirty. You have clotted blood in your hair.
You sit down, and the class recommences.
You are in possesion of:

]look about frantily for rice! Try to understand lecture.

There is no rice visible here. yet. Inside your desk are some more books.
You look at the teacher writing squiggly little signs on the chalkboard. It would be easier to make sense out of the lines the tide leaves on sand. All of the other students, however, listen attentively while furiously scribbling down an exact copy in their notebooks.

]Examine Junko thoroughly.

Junko sits 4 desks in front of you. From here you can see maybe an ear.
It is a lovely ear.

]Try one last time to understand lecture.

Okay. You listen very carefully to what the teacher is saying. You pull out your Japanese dictionary and attempt to look up some of the characters that are written on the boards. After 15 minutes you come across one that bears some understandable meaning:
After another 15 minutes, you catch a part of a sentance that the teacher is using to explain a totally different paragraph of squiggy characters:
"kokoro ga tsuyoku naranuto ushi ga nerarenu" (you catch: heart not strong, cow no sleep)
No other meaning can be gleaned from the lecture.
It is almost time for lunch.

]Give up on lecture. Pull out photos and try to build a house on desk.

You try this, but the slight breeze wafting in from an open window knocks
your picture-house over after you get up the first 4 photos.
The girl next to you (31 of the 48 students are girls) looks at your
photos for an instant.

]Grab a photo and shove it in her face, very close. Say "LOOK! LOOK! LOOK!"

You shove a photo of downtown Santa Cruz into Maruko's face. Your scream is partly muffled by the gong sound of Big Ben. Bong bong bong boonnng, bong bong bong boongg. All the students stand up, bow smartly, then sit back down.
The teacher leaves. In an instant bento-lunches are out and students are shoving fish and rice-balls down their throats.

]grab a rice ball!

You nearly lose a finger grabbing a ball from Maruko. She looks at you, says "nanda! ore no gohan o nusumu ki ka! kaese! kaese!" (what! trying to steal MY (male word) food?! Gimme back! Gimme back!) and grabs for it.

]Keep rice ball. I.

you keep the ball much to Maruko's disdain. She goes off to some other girls to talk about how horrible all foreigners are.
You are in possesion of:

]Stuff photos in bag. Grab bag. Jump up on desk and yell "CRETINS! ALL OF YOU!"

You do all this. The students are horribly offended that you have not taken your slippers off to stand on the desk. Some of them point.

]MAke secret special hand gesture that teleports me back to the US.

Yeah right.
You pull off a pretty good rabbit.

]Jump down from desk. Run up to Junko and examine her closely.

You jump down with a DON. You ske-daddle over to Junko's desk and look her right in the face/eye/bust/everything

There is a school uniform over just about everything here.
There is a nicely tanned neck protruding from the top of the blue salior uniform. There is a lovely head attached to the neck.
The head looks at you, blinks.

]Say, in suave english, "I'd appreciate a few hours alone with your breasts."

You are very suprised by her calm reply: "Well why didn't you ask earlier?"

]Ask: "Where should we go in order to spend this quality time?"

She says: "You know we'd have to do it in a hotel. There's nowhere else!"

]Say: "Well if we were sneaky we could try the garden!!"

She widens her lovely! eyes a bit, says: "but half the windows in the school look right into it!"

]Say: "Sounds like the perfect place to show you my photos from the US!"

She says: "No, you know boys and girls aren't supposed to meet in public. We have to go somewhere private!"
Other students are wondering what the hell you're talking about.

]Say: "Do the bathrooms in this school have stalls? There's a place!"


player does not know smell of school toliet
Re-direct your turn:

]Say: "Well, where's the closest around here, then?"

Junko says: "closet? well I guess the broom closet right by the blackboard... but I really think we need to go somewhere else. Look, let's talk after school, everyone's staring and I don't want them to get THE WRONG IMPRESSION..."

]Say: "I'll try, but I don't think my hormones can stand it for that long!!"

She smiles and says: "What do you think the fish is for?"

]Sigh. Look at half-eaten fish wad. Shrug. Chomp down fish. Sleep at desk.

"Awwwwwwwww Maaaaaaaaaannnnnn"
The fish wad sits in your hand and glistens. It looks like tuna in the middle.
You shrug and chomp in. It tastes terrible. However after one bite you are filled with a sudden desire to study calculus and kanji. All thought of females and sex disappear from your mind.
You are now unable to sleep at the desk. The urge to study commands your limbs, and you pull out the proper book for the next class, Modern Japanese. (You now know that the last class was Chinese.)

]Fight the urge. Save energy. Sleeeeeeeeeep.

You try, but as the gong goes off, your body jerks uncontrollably up, bows in unison with everyone else, and scoots back down, pencil poised over notebook ready to copy kanji.


The teacher begins speaking. Your left hand zooms to the book, flipping it open to the correct page. Your ears recieve the words of the teacher and instantly translate them into understanable meaning. You feel incedibly wise. However your dislocated arm still hurts. This one remnant of pain keeps you from fully concentrating on your studies.

]try to fall out of chair! scream in pain!

Your legs are firmly planted on the floor, green plastic slippers molded into the wood.
You cannot scream, in fact you cannot utter a sound. Your entire body has become an unthinking puppet, only capable of copying down endless pages of kanji. Except for your right arm...

]use right arm to rip book from desk! Use right arm to knock self on desk!

You concentrate mightily and your right arm moves over to the book. With a superhuman effort you grasp the book and slide it over the edge of the desk. It clatters to the floor, but the class continues. You now attempt to smash your body into the desk with your right arm, but this proves impossible.

]I give up.


]I need to get some sleep!!

okay. end session.
Dang Japanese culture.


Phew. What a mess!
hm, rather boring in parts.
Yes, but good material anyway. IT describes your TORTURE in Japan. :/
the cool thing is, NOTHING IS EXAGGERATED!
You cannot see. You cannot move.
all true! You should experience it, maaaaaaaaan...
Not for a while. I have enough to worry about here.
yeah, but if you did, then upon returning, it'd be...
"problems? what problems! i've been to HELL!" :)

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