ANDYHAG v1.0000001:


>kill womp.

With what, your hands??


You kill the womp with your hands. It dies.

>eat womp.

There is no wonmp here.



Just hadta switch to HalfDUplextm
You see a womp corpse.
You see several ugly tiles on the floor.

>eat wompt corpse

The wompt corpse is hungry. You eat nothing.

>get tiles

You can't do that!! They're attached to the floor!

>get floor.

You pick up the floor. Everyone in the room is jostled.



>stick floor up butt.

This is easy. You stick the floor up your butt.
Exits: N


You go south. Wait a minute. *WhAcK* You hit a wall.

>get wall

You aren't carrying enought gold, and there isn't a music store for miles. Get real.

>ha. N

?Extra Ignored
You go north. You realise there is a floor in your butt. You are surrounded by green lush grass. You see a person in the mext house down mowing his lawn. He looks at you strangely and continues mowing.

>examine person

He has a small beer-belly and a blue tee-shirt labeled "BEER" that is just a few sizes too small for him. You can just see the BO.

>run away from man.

You see no man here!

>run away from person

Well, since you didn't exactly mention any direction, I guess you'll just have to run WEST!
You run west. The person looks at you as if you looked at him or something. He belches, and a green cloud is emitted.
A suburb. You are surrounded by `60's track houses.
Exits: EWNS

>look suburb

All of the houses are so perfectly pink and green and all of them have perfect square lawns with perfect picket fences. The fact that this looks familiar to you makes you retch. You can hear that person mowing his lawn way off to the east.

>enter building

"enter building"?!?! Well, find people!! Get ALL!! Sheesh! Which building??


Gimme a direction..


You go North.
You enter a Green house, You are now in the living room. You see two bratty kidz, a brand-new Mitsubishi 6-foot screen TV set, aparently holding the kidz attention nicely. A woman who looks strikingly like Lucille Ball is staring at you and trying to scream.
Exits: NSEW

>scream at woman. N.

You Scream at the woman. She falls over on her back, passed out, and to the east you hear a man yelling "I told you, Martha, use the ******* fly swatter!!"
You go north. This appears to be a kitchen, as you deduce by the stove, but it's hard to tell, as everything is covered in old, hardened peanut butter.
To the north you see an extremely dirty, smoke-stained screen door, to the east you see a table and a shitty chandelier.
Exits : NSE

>break chandelier

You go east into the dining room (you think) and break the hell out of the chandelier. As you stomp on it with your naked feet, you hear from the west "Martha! Be careful with those dishes!! I didn't work for 20 years haulin' garbage for you to break everything I buy!!"
Exits: W

>W. S.

Yeah, yeah. You go East, back into the "kitchen", and contemplate doing the same to the screen door as you just did to the chandelier, but then you decide to go south instead. You feel a little chilly, and slightly constipated.
South you go, and you're back in the living room with those Kidz. This time, they're disassembling their "Non-Mind-0" with an axe.
Exits: Uh.. NS uh.. W

Tell kids "free money in the kitchen!"

The kidz say in unison: "Duh?" and kontinue disassembling the thingermajig.

>tell kids "teenage mutant ninja turtles are in the kitchen!"

The kidz sy in unison: "DUH TOITLES!!"
They both drop their axe(s) and run for the kitchen, wishing like heck that they get the chance to get beat up by an oversizes tortoise.
Shtuph that is here: A busted "game" system, an axe, a really big TV, air, snot.

>look in back of tv.

You look into the back of the TV set. You are suprised to see: Electronic Parts! And A Really Big Picture Tube! Gee, attached to the electronic parts is LOTS AND LOTS OF DUST!! Big FriGGin' suprise.

>get electronic parts.

You get the electronic parts; a backpack containing a cosmos mystically appears on your back. You put the parts in the pack. Your but iss getting REALLY REALLY uncomfortable now..
Shtuph that is here: A Crud-0 game thinger, an axe, a REALLY REALLY BIG TV picture tube, air, snot.

>get axe. turn on tv.

You get the axe. You turn on the TV. The TV thought all this time that you were it's friend, but instead you jeer in its direction! The TV is hurt.

>chop up tv with axe. W

The TV knows that it's screwed now! The HUMONGOUS tube implodes, and sucks all of the room's contents into it! You try to go west, but your butt is just bothering you too damn much!!! You can't do it!!

>pull floor out of butt.

You pull the floor out of your butt, and about 300 LBS of shit comes spraying out. The added shit causes the tube to explode and force you flying out of the door. You hear in the distance: "MARRRTHA!! You BETTER NOT hAve BUSTED MY TV!!"
Great. So here you are, back in the street. You can just make out that really ugly person mowing his lawn off in the distance. Still surrounded by ugly perfect houses.

>enter hourse: S.

uh... house.
Ah! Now it comes out!
You go south. This house is bright, bright pink. You've seen Bike Pants with dimmer pink on them. You see a sign on the door: "The Barszhiers"

>open door.

You decide to wait until the parser is done taking his shoes off... And closing the door... And forging the Declaration Of Idependance to extreme lifelike detail...
You open the door. Inside you see a kid playing on a Non-Mind-0 somewhat similar to the one you saw at that place across the street, he's playing "Feeb Warz",or some kind of similar game. A man is playing strange music on a piano, and you hear accompaniement (What the heck..?) Singing coming from the other room (to the north). You wonder if you should enter..

>enter. N.

You do have a key labeled enter. You donb't need to type it- OH! OK!! I get it! You go North into the house. You see that the Non-Mind-0 game was in fact, Beef Warz, and you see little slabs of burning beef flying all over the screen. You see a RealNice IBM compatible computer in the corner, with rotating planet on the screen. The dude is still jammin' wid da tunez, and someone is still accompandfnnsd ing. ugh.

>stomp on IBM. N.

You stomp on the IBM. It topples to the floor, and breaks to a million pieces, then, the pieces liquefy and run together into a pool. The pool forms back into a computer, but a different one. This time, the screen says, in 30 billion colors, infinite resolution, "Welcome to the IIgs+!"

>Ahem. N.

You go north. The IBM explodes after trying to fake it for so long. "Dad" just grins. Still, you hear splatting burning beef to the south. You see a woman standing on a table singing "Joy To The World" at the top of her lungs. You fall on your face.

>shove table, hard.

You shove the table (My, but you're violent!) and the woman, apparently "mom", goes flying through the nearest window. You are satisfied when you hear a SCREEEEECH!! *CRUNCH* "Oh, MY!" *SPLAT* In the distance. Gee, you see a door under the table labeled "SeKrEt DoRe".

>Duuuh, oh shit, what should I do, uuhhh-- OPEN DOOR>

You see no door here.

>:P Open SeKrEt DoRe.

You open the door ( ;P) and it tears off. You see inside 5 years worth of candy.

>get candy. W

You try to get the candy, but there's so darn much that you would probably die before you could unload it all. You put as much as you can in your pack.
You go west. This brings you outside where you see a huge trampoline, about the size of the roof of the Pentagon. It says "
Proud to be your BUD" in big, red letters.

>piss all over trampoline.

You empty your bladder as best as you can on the trampoline, but all you manage to do is smudge the last word a little, so it says "Proud to be your BLT" You can't quite decide what the significance is..

>chop up trampoline with axe.

You pull the axe from your pack (which now seems a lot larger) and whack the trampoline to pieces (My, but you're destructive!) All of the springs pop and attach. They appear to be quite deliberately attaching to each other. The Frame is just Screwedtm and the cloth on top is smaller and very stained.


The parser decides you suck, and denies your request.
(besides that, you CAN'T go east!)

Exits: W

>W, dammit!

With what, your hands??

>tell parser: "You suck!"

You yell to your god: YOU SUCK!!

Parser says : GOTO HELL!
The ground gets warmer.
The springs are still writhing themselves together.

>ask parser if it is bored.

You ask the parser: Are you bored?
The parser says: HELL YES!

>tell parser: "Then let's quit!"

You say to the parser "Then let's quit!" the parser says:Good Fukin deal!!
You quit. The sky explodes. The springs go to hell in your place. Everyone dies.

Gee, wally, whfat a happy ending.


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