Slave:
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A typical and very disposable I-beam employee. Main character.
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George:
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Big pushy annoying guy who thinks he's "big" and "tough", but is really just fat. Always yelling, and then laughing at himself.
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Martha:
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Deaf lady who never does anything but sit at her terminal. Never moves unless there's a large explosion, or her terminal starts acting up.
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Fred:
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Mediocre wishy-washy boss guy who has authority but is afraid to act on it.
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Willy:
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Equally expendable as Slave, but has worked there for 10 years. He's the guy who always wrecks stuff in the clean room and hits the printers when they stop working
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Mr L:
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Another typical and disposable type who spends all of his time talking about his next beer or getting laid.
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Slave:
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Hi, everybody!
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(Silence)
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Slave:
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What, is everybody deaf?!
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(Martha nods)
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Slave:
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I Said AAARRRRGHHHHH!!!
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Fred:
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Start working on those files over there.
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(Fred points at a HUGE pile of papers, sitting next to a filing cabinet)
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Fred:
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Well, if you want..
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(Zorching noises, jackhammers in the background)
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(Slave looks at Fred, drooling)
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(Fred slinks away)
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Slave:
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This stuff SUCKS.
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(walks over toward papers)
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Slave:
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(To Willy) (Snobby accent) Is that a COOKIE in the clean room?
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Willy:
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It's not a cookie, it's a FRUIT NEWTON! You see, NEWTONS are FRUIT and CAKE!
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(He holds up an "Apple Newton" made out of cake. Big (all blue IBM style) apple
logo on it. He takes a big, BIG bite out of it and chokes:)
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Willy:
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AAcCK!! GOT MILK?!
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(He falls over, behind the counter, and circuit boards and parts fly up in the air.)
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(Zoom in on the clock.. The hands spin about three days by.. Zoom back out.)
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(Slave is sitting on the floor, even more papers around him, asleep with his eyes open, HUGE black circles under eyes, cobwebs hanging from limbs.)
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(Mr. L. Walks in.)
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Mr. L:
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Hola, there Android! (Pauses to look) Man.. Ol' Buttcrumpet's gotcha doin' some pretty shitty work, there. (Sarcastically) What a dick..
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Slave:
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(wearily) You're telling me?!
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(Holds up his hands, coated with blood from 300,000 paper cuts, a couple staples loosely sticking into his skin, a black binder clip hanging from one of his pinky fingers)
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Mr. L:
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Speakin' of dicks, I couldn't believe it, remember I told you I was goin' out with Juanita yesterday? Well, we were sitting in the ol' Boneyard there, and she just started stripping right in the cab! So, I was bonin' her, and, like, my brother just showed up and knocked on the window! Caught in the act! Man..
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(This big green mainframe thing tips and falls over, landing inches behind Martha, and she doesn't even notice)
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Slave:
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Heh..
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Mr. L:
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So, I got rid of him and then her little brother comes up, all asking me for baseball cards and stuff.. I couldn't believe it. It was like I shoulda been chargin' admission to the people at Taco Bell watchin' me bone this chick..
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Slave:
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Well, everybody recognises the Boneyard when they see it, now.. You're gonna have to find a new place to park!
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Mr. L:
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I know.. Here it is, I thought that was a pretty good spot, I mean, it's behind the place, against the wall...
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George:
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(really loud yelling in the background) I CAN'T HANDLE MY ZUCCHINI, DAMN IT!
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Mr. L:
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Let's get out of here. You can probably just pile those papers up into a mound and they'll never even notice you're gone..
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(Both walk out the door. As soon as it closes, everything explodes.)
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