Potential Virus Alert!!

Android:

PROZAC Virus: Fucks EVERYTHING up, but it's okay.
M&M Virus: Adds a new color to your monitor, but it's still the same.
DICK CLARK Virus: Sets your internal clock permanently to January 1st, 1978.
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE Virus: Costs a pound of flesh to get repaired.
ROM 03 Virus: When a special, very convoluted key-combination is pressed, a really crappy 8-bit sample of a bunch of people yelling "APPLE TWO!!!" comes blaring out of the internal speaker.
DODGE RAM Virus: Has full instructions on the front.
FORD Virus: Leaves bits of itself all over your hard drive.
CORVETTE Virus: Looks really cool and works fast. Most people like it until they get the repair bill.

Brad:

BUDDAH Virus: All your files are merged into one. No change in performance.
QUANTUM PHYSICIST Virus: All files assigned a new property and permissions flag every month. No change in performance.
YOSEMITE Virus: Fills your hard drive with downloads from Japanese Web sites.
KMART Virus: Every 20 minutes, one of your files is reduced in size while a blue siren appears in the lower corner of your screen
DENNY'S Virus: You can't turn your computer off, except on Christmas.
GARFIELD Virus: Your computer refuses to work on Mondays.
BECK Virus: Dialog box appears every 5 minutes: "Process X is a loser. Killing."
HARBOR HIGH Virus: (UNIX only) All processes fork.

Garote:

INTEL VIRUS: The corner of the screen constantly displays a big shiny logo reading "Intel inside". All processes slow down by half.
ULTIMA VIRUS: Gets bigger and slower as time goes on, but remains essentially the same.
KINGS QUEST VIRUS: Same as Ultima virus.
AMERICA ON-LINE VIRUS: Renames your hard disk "cyberspace", and your keyboard "the imformation superhighway." Demands ridiculous fees whenever you access either.
CARL SAGAN VIRUS: All directory listings measure files in "billions and billions of bits."
MS-DOS VIRUS: Replaces all "cancel" buttons in all your applications with four buttons labeled "Abort", "Retry", "Ignore", and "Fail" that, when pressed, either do nothing or lock the system.
PSYCHIC READER'S NETWORK VIRUS: Any terminal that logs on is piped a steady stream of zippy quotes, and the user is billed four dollars per minute to read them.
DUKE NUKEM VIRUS: Every time a function key is pressed, the sound card plays samples: "You're gonna DIE for that!" and "You SUCK!" and "What are you, some kind of scum-sucking bottom-feeding algae eater?!"