The Tales of Johnny AppleseedThe Tales of Johnny AppleseedOne Sunday afternoon as he was playing in the orchard with the family dogs, a stately horse and carriage driving on the road nearby hit at pothole and broke a wheel. Johnny watched in facination as the occupants of the carriage exited. It was John Quincy Adams himself! Johnny was looking at the President!
The Presdient saw the boy and waved at him, beckoning him to come. "Hello, boy, what's your name?" he said in a deep throaty voice.
"Johnny, sir! Wow! I never thought I'd get to meet the President of the United States!"
"Well son, is this your folks' apple orchard?"
"Yes sir, it is! We raise some other stuff too, but pri-marily we just raise these apples here. Would you like one sir?"
"Why sure, I'd just love one!" Johnny picked the ripest apple he could find and gave it to the President.
After his first bite the President said "My, this is quite a fine apple here, son. Quite a fine apple. It's a pity there weren't apples like this growing all across this fine country of ours. Quite a pity. I'm sure many a poor soul traveling through the wilderness would be gracious beyond all reconing to find a nice apple tree like one of these full of big ripe apples!"
And that's where it all began….
IIOn 5 August 1799 a boy was born to peasant farmer parents in the State of Virginia in the United States of America which was created out of the flames of a revolution of British Colonies revolting from the Empire. This Revolution started on 4 July 1776 with the signing of the Declaration of Independence and that was the date on which it started. The parents were farmers primarily of apples, but also of other commodities including pears, corn, persimmons, and strawberries. The parents owned 59.6 acres of land. On 56.2 acres of these 59.6 acres of land they farmed primarily apples, but also pears, corn, persimmons and strawberries. They hired 22 hands every year to help them harvest these commodities, which were primarily apples but also included pears, corn, persimmons and strawberries. They were very prosperous, but lived modestly. On the other 3.4 acres of the 59.6 acres which was their total amount of land they had a small house which was twenty-three feet in width and 40 feet in length and had a ceiling height of 8.2 feet. There were two bedrooms, a kitchen, and a dining area in the house. The house had a floor area of 920 square feet and a volume of 7,544 cubic feet. The walls were made of strong cedar wood, and the roof was covered with cedar shakes. The parents also had a small garden of .8 acres in which they raised other vegetables and food for their family including potatoes, asparagus, tomatoes, rhubarb, beets, strawberries, corn, persimmons, and apples; and a chicken coop with more than 10 chickens, and a cow for milk which was named Bessie.
The young boy's name was Johnny, this was the name which the boy's parents gave him at his birth on 5 August 1799. Johnny grew and on his 7th birthday on 5 August 1806 he was playing in the 43rd acre of the 59.6 acres which his parents owned and used for the growing of vegetable commodities (primarily apples) to support themselves. A small black carriage, black with white trim drawn by a fine black arabian steed named Harvey was driving on the dirt road which mesured an average 7 feet in width and which bordered the 43rd acre of the 59.6 acres which Johnny's parents owned and used for the growing of vegetable commodities broke an axel and was stopped. The driver, a sullen man in his late thirties named Joseph Smythe began repair on the broken axel of the small black carriage, black with white trim, while the passenger of the vehicle, revealed to be none other than the President of the United States of America which gained its independence from the British Empire through a revolutionary war which began on 4 July 1776 with the signing of the Declaration of Independence, exited from the small black carriage and wiped his brow with a white silk handkercheif. The boy Johnny and the President conversed for a total of three hours in the 43rd acre of the 59.6 acres which the boy's parents used for the growing of commodities (primarily apples). The boy offered the ripest of the apples which grew in the 43rd acre of his parents' 59.6 acres, and the President partook of the ripest apple, and the President did declare that the apple was delicious. The President after declaring that the apple was delicious proceded to describe to the young boy Johnny his wishes for the entire countryside of the United States of America to be dotted at least once every 10 miles with apple trees and trees which bore ripe fruits such as apples. Thus weary travelers such as the President of the United States of America could partake of the ripest apples. The young boy Johnny heard the President speak, and recognized that the President's speech was good and deserved recognition, and set out in his mind a plan for travel across the country as a young man, planting apple trees and trees which bore ripe fruits such as apples. Smythe fixed the axel after a total of three hours, and the Arabian horse Harvey whose color was black pulled the small black carriage which was black with white trim and contained the well-rested President who was well satisfied with the ripe apple from the 43rd acre of Johnny's parents' 59.6 acres on to Philidelphia, which is where the President was en route to when he was sidetracked by the broken axel of his black carriage which was black with white trim.
Johnny, full of lofty ideals inspired by his encounter with the President of the United States, went on through life and earned the nickname "Johnny Appleseed" for his custom of planting the seeds of apple trees and other trees which bore ripe fruits such as apples across the whole of the countryside of the United States of America.
IIIThe third story idea is based on the fact that the United States Government recovered a crashed alien spacecraft in the deserts in Utah which had the name "Johnny Appleseed LXV" on the side of the hull (written in the Cetian language-the official language of the Association of Planets based on Tau Ceti IV). It turns out the Association of planets sent out a series of hundreds of these seeder ships which went through the galaxy seeding planets with the right conditions with DNA fragments and amino acids to start the process of life. Unfortunately, the U.S. Government classified the information C-20, and no one except for a select few in the upper eschaleons of the government (no elected officials) know about the craft.
Who knows? The Appleseed Project could be the origin of life on earth….
Oh yeah, shit, that was when we had a lecture on how some insanely brilliant editor recombined different sects' tales of prophetic figures into the now-accepted old testament tales. My class now is so much better. The first essays were mostly on literary interpretive theory in some of Gogol's short stories. Fuck I still have seven papers to grade before Tuesday.
zzzzzzz goodnight i have to be to work at 10. blugh.
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