Junk I got rid of while moving

Just in case I need to verify that my copy of WORDPERFECT is authentic. Pffft. This is a loop of reel-to-reel tape that contains the sample "SO RED... AND SO BIG. (BUUURP) ... AND SO RUDE TOO." Zog ran it back and forth across the pickup of a tape machine in the bowels of KDVS to make one of his promo carts, ten or eleven years ago. I still have a sample of that tomfoolery, somewhere. This would be a collectors item, if it wasn't so irretrievably, bone-headedly stupid.
I will never, ever, EVER need to link two PHONE CABLES together to make one longer one. I haven't even had a home phone number for seven years!! Years ago, Zog sent me some CDs in a brown paper parcel. This note was folded up with them. It's the sequel to an earlier note that goes: "HEY MISTER! TRY MY POTION! GUARANTEED TO INCREASE YOUR STRENGTH!", followed by a string of increasingly aggressive, incoherent threats against anyone who refuses to try the aforementioned potion. I love it.
This is the other side of the paper Zog scribbled the note on. I will never EVER need to split a PHONE CABLE into its component wires, EVER AGAIN. Goodbye, useless widget.
Ten years ago, this was the back door key to the Ocean Echo Motel in Santa Cruz. I helped my friend Brent occasionally when he and his wife were managers of it. Of course, this key is totally useless now. Why these go together I do not know. Miniature handles for a tiny chest of drawers?
Carefully labeled and packaged mounting kit for the CD-changer installed in a van I haven't owned for six years. Connector adapters to a multi-voltage power supply I no longer own. Yeah, better keep these handy. Mmmyep.
I have absolutely no idea why I collected and saved these. I don't even know what the groupings mean. A sawblade to a saw I no longer possess. Whatever.
Kayla and I traded calculators many years ago because we each preferred the stickers that the other had decorated their case with. I would have put the iPhone next to it for a comparison of how far handheld technology has come ... but I was using the iPhone to take the picture. Heh heh heh. Here's why the calculator is no longer useful. Batteries leaked all over the inside.
A cute flounder drawing on a piece of paper shoved in the back of a drawer. Clearly it must go on the internet! Here's a rare collection. These are slot covers for the back of an Apple IIgs. I still have the IIgs they came from. Time to toss these out. It's not like I'll ever remove the expansion cards from the IIgs, necessitating a slot cover.
I cut this part off the guts of the satellite receiver that my parents bought in the 1980s. I think it might be the IR sensor. I don't know what my aim was in collecting the damn thing... "Gee, maybe I'll use it in a wacky robotics project some time!" I will never, ever need to use one of these damn things again. So why did I have three of them?
A large test tube full of electrical fuses, spackled with red paint. This looks too cool for me to throw it away, so it's still in the drawer. Yes, it's a plastic box of "hardware included". Mounting brackets for something I no longer own.
I have no idea what I would use this for ... even if it wasn't all dried out.